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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Did you know if you hold your ear up to a stranger’s leg, you can actually hear them say, ‘What the hell are you doing?’

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

I was googling the best time to visit Italy. It is when you have money.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Going out with 38% battery and no boyfriend.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Why is it called “free time” when I use it to spend all my money?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

I get real disrespectful with serving sizes. A bag is not gonna tell me what to do.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I’m at an age now where I start sentences with “I’m at an age now.”

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

The audacity of someone being in the store aisle I want to go down.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,909

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Forget mini pizzas. I want one so big it needs a forklift to rotate it.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Hannibal Lecter didn’t have to be a serial killer, he was scary enough as a foodie.

Making waves on Slack:

This is my phone. I text back when I want to.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I think when girls start liking pink again, it means they’re healing.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

Trending via WhatsApp:

It’s interesting growing up and discovering that most adults are not that clever. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Live now on Threads:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

Trending via Telegram:

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Making waves on X:

The reason most of us stay up late is because we don’t want our free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

If the man is silent, he is a thinker. If the woman is silent, the thinker is in big trouble.

2 months ago

0

If the man is silent, he is a thinker. If the woman is silent, the thinker is in big trouble.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old mystery of silence! 🤔 If a man stays quiet, he's seen as thoughtful and reflective. But if a woman stays quiet, well, brace yourself, because the storm is brewing! ⚡️💁‍♀️ Watch out for that silent thunder, folks! ⛈️😄"

big, communication, humor, man, relationship, silent, thinker, trouble, woman

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“I should’ve peed before I left,” will be my epitaph.

0

4 months ago

bathroom, before, epitaph, humor, i, left, pee, procrastination, regret
If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

0

2 months ago

activity, arm, cost, dolphin, expense, expensive, fun, fun activity, humor, leg, me, shark, should, swimming, think, try
Due to inflation and tariffs, my love now costs a thing.

0

2 months ago

cost, costs, due, economics, humor, inflation, love, relationship, tariffs, thing
French is bullshit. They keep changing the translation of ‘soup du jour’ each day.

0

2 months ago

bullshit, changing, day, du, food, french, humor, joke, jour, keep, language, restaurant, soup, soup du jour, translation
Not now, kitten. Mommy’s destroying and betraying herself for nothing.

0

1 month ago

betrayal, betraying, destroying, humor, kitten, mommy, nothing, sarcasm, self-destruction
Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

0

3 months ago

around, attention, communication, humor, life, meeting, meetings, need, please, schedule, try, work, work life

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Threads this month:

Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.

98 shares on Twitch this month:

Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

99 shares on Discord this month:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

29 shares on Messenger this month:

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

35 shares on Slack this month:

The introverted urge to spend a week alone at home after many holidays and family gatherings.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

73 shares on Discord this month:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

39 shares on Reddit this month:

Why can’t I cry money instead of tears?

26 shares on Facebook this month:

So basically, companies pay YouTube to show ads, and we pay YouTube to not show ads.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

According to “The Hobbit”, Gollum was once a handsome young man who was robbed of his youth, zest for life and energy by putting on a ring. Men, think about it!

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I just shaved my legs and man, the next 7 minutes and 34 seconds before it starts growing back is gonna feel amazing.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Weddings should have a worst man.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Addicted to bad posture. Omggg, why is it so comfortable to give yourself scoliosis?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m sorry for the things I said when there were too many noises at the same time.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Dating for love isn’t working. Now I’m dating to conduct psychological experiments and collect data.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Diet Coke so crisp I moaned.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever invented the gender reveal party needs to be launched into the sun.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,948

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Sex is fine, but have you ever completed every single thing on your to-do list?

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Start every meeting with, “Let’s just agree to disagree.”

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Can you check if my lips taste like cherries?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

I be outside telling people I don’t got social media when they ask.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

There’s a disconnect between the decibel level of my car singing and my talent.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

If these walls could talk, they would definitely say “Wow, this guy really does add cheese to everything after all!”

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

Microplastics are a waste of time. I go straight to eating whole packaging.

Spotted on Twitch:

A social media post so confusing you turn your music down to read it.

Spotted on Facebook:

My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

Just landed via Telegram:

Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I hope my email finds you enraged.

Seen just now on Threads:

Hear me out. A waiting room where the doctors wait.

Just shared via Slack:

Can I get back all those naps I refused to take as a kid? I could really use them now.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Me and my boys are broke, so we take turns taking pictures of one iced matcha.

Spotted on Messenger:

Accidentally said “normal” when they asked what milk I wanted at the leftist cafe.

Trending via Snapchat:

Have nothing to say, I just wanted to appear in your newsfeed.

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