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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Normalise following up to an ignored email with “helllooooooo?”

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Should be able to shazam the inner yearnings of my heart.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I was feeling kinda lonely this morning so I glued a coffee cup to the top of my car so people would wave at me.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

So apparently if they ask “do you trust me?”, replying with “well, I trust you to be you” is the incorrect response.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2315 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,477

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,477

Updated

50 minutes ago

Users Online

3,462

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

Gen Z will be like “OMG new life hack!” and then it’s a video of them adjusting the toaster dial.

Reported on Messenger:

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

Live now on Messenger:

You are not in a situationship. You are texting a man who doesn’t like you.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I look stable, but I talk to animals, and wait for them to reply.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Guys only want one thing and it’s my grandmother’s meatball recipe.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Spotted on WeChat:

Blaming the full moon for whatever unhinged decision I make tonight.

Freshly posted on Discord:

It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?
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Commentary:
Hmm, if I were that elusive birthday gift, I'd probably be expertly camouflaged in the back of the closet behind old shoes and forgotten board games, plotting my grand entrance like a surprise ninja 🎁🕵️‍♂️ Or perhaps I've cunningly disguised myself as a household item, blending in with the decor until the perfect moment to reveal myself in all my gift-wrapped glory! 🎉✨ But hey, no need to keep searching,

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2315 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,477

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,477

Updated

50 minutes ago

Users Online

3,446

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

I love when men go on diets they will be like “let me go for the healthy option”: the buffalo chicken quesadilla.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

If you ever have a crush on someone and want it to end, listen to a podcast they are on.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Just got my steps in by avoiding someone I know.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Despite all my rage, I still keep refreshing the page.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

It’s a beautiful day to ignore your existing problems and create new ones.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Sometimes my toddler throws stuff on the floor and then shouts “OH NO” and that’s kind of like what politicians do.

Just shared via Messenger:

If you turn your phone upside down, the stock market is actually doing quite well.

Going viral on Reddit:

I want to make fun of Kanye but I’m always losing my shit on the internet too.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Shaking my head like an Etch a Sketch to get my thoughts right.

Just landed via TikTok:

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

Making waves on Slack:

My cat runs a secret cult. I just pay the rent.

Just landed via Slack:

Going to the beach the day after watching Jaws hits different.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I want a man who doesn’t annoy me while I’m constantly getting on his nerves. It can’t be that difficult.

Live now on Twitch:

Are you spaghetti because I want you to meat my balls?

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