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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

You’ll never be as lazy as the person who named the fireplace.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

It’s called shitposting, Your Honor. You should try it sometimes; it’s liberating.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

I’ve had two glasses of wine and responded with “Omgggg congrats, sweet girl” on an engagement post of someone I haven’t spoken to in 5 years.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Passive income? Brothers, I need massive income.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Thanks for leaving my door open; I was running low on houseflies.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,651

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

Broadcasted on X:

Eat like your treadmill is watching.

Just shared via Messenger:

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I may have bags under my eyes, but they’re Versace.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

Just shared via YouTube:

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

SHEIN does entirely too much on their app. Feels like a freaking casino every time you open it.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything?

Just shared via Threads:

ChatGPT is there for me in ways I don’t think any man ever could be.

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.
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Commentary:
"Looks like it's time for some creative regret management! 🤔📚 Introducing the oughtabiography – a hilarious tale of missed opportunities and shoulda-woulda-couldas! 😂💭 Don't just read about it, live it vicariously through the pages of 'I Oughta Known Better'! 📖✨"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on WhatsApp this month:

That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

47 shares on X this month:

You don’t need a therapist, you need an exorcist.

89 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

27 shares on Slack this month:

80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is you’re stupid and you make bad decisions.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Getting excited to go to bed is a different level of adulting.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

96 shares on Twitch this month:

You know where I’d like to go? Missing.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My favourite animal is me when I have money.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m far too underqualified for adult life, and I feel like I was promoted to manager far too quickly.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Valentine’s Day this week. If you have a crush on me we still have time to get cards and shave.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I love being single because how could I explain a 2 p.m. – 5 p.m. nap on a Saturday.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If “live each day as if it’s your last” means being paralyzed with anxiety and a sense of impending doom, then I am absolutely nailing it.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My phone went from fully charged to 10% while I was sleeping, so I guess it leads a more exciting nightlife than I do.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d probably be a very chill werewolf, even during a full moon.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,721

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Trying to make sense of other people’s actions will drive you to insanity.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Everything will kill you so pick something fun.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Some people are like ads, just skip.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Do people who spend a fortune on outdoor heating know they can just go inside?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but I don’t fight with people on the internet.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Working out consistently yields results, but mannnnnnn…… the laundry.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

That moment of panic when they invite you inside at the start of the birthday party you thought was a drop off.

Just landed via Twitch:

Spoiler alert: Monday doesn’t care about your feelings.

Making waves on WeChat:

I composed this post in a way that only the sexy can read it, so congratulations.

Breaking via Threads:

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

Making waves on Messenger:

When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Is ChatGPT my father-in-law because it keeps making stuff up and passing it off as fact?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I woke up again, it’s pathetic how much death fears me.

Shared recently on X:

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

Trending via Instagram:

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

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