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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Breakfast in bed: cute in theory, gross in practice.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Those who run away from me are afraid that they might confess their love to me.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Remember: if nobody hates you, you’re not trying hard enough.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Notice how ghosts never wear fitted sheets?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I need like twelve incomes for this lifestyle I have in my head.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Does everyone’s inner monologue have a laugh track?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

A narcissist wants the authority of a king while having the accountability of a toddler.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

334 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,603

Funny Quotes Topics

17,660

Funny Quotes Images

15,603

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,667

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I need a room full of mirrors, so I can be surrounded by losers.

Just shared via Twitch:

Eating Chinese takeout is never as depressing as in the movies. It usually is good.

Just landed via Facebook:

The umbrella was going to be called brella, but the inventor hesitated.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

You will see blonder children than you would ever think possible at expensive ice cream parlours.

Just shared via Telegram:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I don’t know if I’m still tired or already tired.

Going viral on Telegram:

Be the lemon you want the world to hand to others.

Making waves on Slack:

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

Spotted on Discord:

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

Shared recently on WeChat:

Why the hell did they name them ‘Soldier ants’ and not ‘Combatants’?

I’m not saying it’s been a while, I’m just saying I completely blanked on the name of my gym.

I’m not saying it’s been a while, I’m just saying I completely blanked on the name of my gym.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who knew skipping the gym could lead to amnesia? 🏋️‍♂️ Maybe it's time to 'weight' no longer and re-exercise your memory muscles!"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Twitch this month:

Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

52 shares on Messenger this month:

Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Going to a concert with a tomato in each hand just to make the band nervous.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

WFH is so great until you realize you’ve walked about 17 steps all day.

63 shares on TikTok this month:

First date idea: you bring me coffee in bed, and we snuggle all morning.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

85 shares on WeChat this month:

I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.

98 shares on TikTok this month:

How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time I spend my own money, I feel like somebody needs to reimburse me.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

People in my real life annoy me, so I come online to annoy you.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these day.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe coffee is addicted to me?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve never wrestled an angry alligator, but I have taken off a wet sports bra in the middle of summer. So, same thing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

334 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,603

Funny Quotes Topics

17,660

Funny Quotes Images

15,603

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,578

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Girl, you gotta try this healing potion. It’s called beer.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

(Making small talk with a couple) So have you guys ever cheated on each other?

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

I love Pinterest. No opinions. No bad vibes. Just pretty pictures.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

If I had my Pinterest wardrobe, I would be unstoppable.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Sucking melted cheese off the burger wrapper as God intended.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Stupidity begins where irony is no longer understood.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

Watching a movie and using a laser pointer to indicate where my fellow viewers should be looking for an optimal viewing experience.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Starting my period on election day because I’m a true patriot who bleeds for this country.

Breaking via YouTube:

Unfortunately, if you want to end your single life, you have to do something. So that’s not for me.

Going viral on Telegram:

Yes, officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Not to brag, but I can put my socks on without sitting down.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Time is precious, waste it wisely.

Seen just now on Threads:

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

Spotted on Facebook:

What’s my net worth? Buddy, I don’t own a net.

Live now on Twitch:

A female will ghost you, and the whole time she is waiting for you to text back again.

Live now on Twitch:

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

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