In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

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Maybe there’s an alternate universe where onions cry when they chop up humans, you don’t know.

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Scooby-Doo led me to believe that if I were ever really scared, I should run super-fast in place.

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My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

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Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

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Big decision to make? Sleep on it. Have a nightmare. Then you’ll be operating on pure adrenaline and will choose more quickly.

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Why is it called Christian community and not Holyfans?

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Absolutely love wanting to do a lot of things and ending up not doing even one! Yay.

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Nothing makes you regret an outfit choice faster than when you see teens looking at you and whispering.

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Bob is my nickname. Robert is my nicholasname.

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Does anyone know if there’s a career in being a piece of shit?