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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I’m not fat. I’m just easy to see.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

My cat smells like cigarettes again and I’m sick of his excuses.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Normalize booing in the workplace.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Your DM doesn’t match the Bible quote in your bio. Uh-oh.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

If I walk into a girl’s house and she got like 50 plants, I know she’s a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless things. What’s one more?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

On a scale of quack to quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack, what do you think of my duck-based numbering system?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,690

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

My life would be pointless without cheese. Or as the famous song goes: “Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone!”

Just shared via Slack:

Don’t worry, darling, you won’t break me. Someone already beat you to it.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Probably the worst thing about pyramid schemes is how they make you advertise to all your friends and family that you are part of a pyramid scheme.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

Making waves on Reddit:

If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

Breaking via X:

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

The only men you can trust is ramen.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Wanna worship each other until the end of all things?

Shared recently on Telegram:

I took the road less traveled. Where am I?

In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised… And we all know that's when the real fun begins! 😜🚫👀"

alone, defense, excuse, humor, i, left, responsibility, unsupervised

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

0

5 months ago

alone, awkward, awkward situation, college, ex, gf, girlfriend, humor, i, just, lot, means, reason, relationship, situation, story, talk, where
No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

0

2 months ago

am, employment, humor, i, job, LinkedIn, open, required, sarcasm, work
Dear wallet, please get pregnant.

0

4 days ago

dear, financial, financial humor, humor, money, please, pregnant, wallet, wish
Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

0

2 months ago

agreement, commitment, confusion, expectation, good, humor, lot, me, meeting, realization, response, saying, sounds, workplace
The Netflix “Recommended For You” list is why I have trust issues.

0

5 months ago

entertainment, humor, i, issue, issues, list, Netflix, recommendation, streaming, trust, trust issue, why
I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

0

2 months ago

end, get it together, going, humor, i, irony, pissed, real, shit, together, world

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t mean to brag, but I can forget what I’m saying while I’m saying it.

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

30 shares on Instagram this month:

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

88 shares on Threads this month:

I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

17 shares on Telegram this month:

Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

47 shares on X this month:

My ducks are not even remotely in a row. My ducks are in places no duck has ever gone before.

58 shares on Twitch this month:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

34 shares on TikTok this month:

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I am not leaving this house until my hoodie strings are even.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

I hate Valentine’s Day but I do enjoy infant archery.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

We do it every night. Annoy each other.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

I think that McDonalds is putting an unhealthy amount of lettuce in the Big Macs these days.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Nothing makes you regret an outfit choice faster than when you see teens looking at you and whispering.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

Training a cat is very easy. After a few days, you do what she wants.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

Live now on Snapchat:

I don’t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.

Freshly posted on X:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

Breaking via Pinterest:

The more attention you get on this website, the less you enjoy being on it.

Spotted on Instagram:

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

Live now on Discord:

The History Channel, because where else are you going to learn about how aliens were instrumental in the development of humanity?

Just shared via YouTube:

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

Just shared via TikTok:

I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

Dear wallet, please get pregnant.

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

The Netflix “Recommended For You” list is why I have trust issues.

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨