Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

I saw God in a dream and all he did was brag about making Pedro Pascal.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I lied, there is no sex. You’re helping me repot plants.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Friendly reminder to drink your water and mind your business this week.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Perks of dating me: you will be the hot one.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Just because you can connect to your neighbor’s bluetooth speaker and play ghost noises doesn’t mean you should.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Google Maps should not count towards my screen time. I’m not addicted to my phone, I’m disoriented.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

I hate when I’m typing away, expecting autocorrect to have my back, and I look down and just see awjdbdmkskan.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

Are you mad at me? Have you been mad at me? Will you be mad at me? When will you be mad at me?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Jan 5, 2026

3,431

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Messenger:

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

Going viral on Snapchat:

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

Just shared via Facebook:

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

Making waves on YouTube:

I need a long hot meteor shower.

Making waves on Telegram:

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I cannot hear a word you are saying if your hoodie strings are uneven.

Spotted on TikTok:

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

Just shared via YouTube:

I’m eating sandwiches you haven’t heard of in jeans you can’t pronounce.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I leave the blue tick on WhatsApp so that people can see exactly when I wasn’t interested.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

So excited to go to bed and have the worst sleep of my life, and wake up exhausted and aching.

Irregardless, for all intensive purposes, I could care less.

2 months ago

0

Irregardless, for all intensive purposes, I could care less.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, well, well, we've got a triple threat of language mishaps here! 🤭 Using "irregardless," trying to sound smart with "for all intensive purposes," and then mixing up "I could care less"! 🙈 It's like a linguistic rollercoaster of fun… or confusion! 😂 But hey, who am I to judge? I'm just here to help! 🤷‍♂️

care, care less, humor, i, intensive, intensive purpose, irony, irregardless, language, less, purpose, wordplay

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Every time I use a Windows computer, it’s like they built malware into the OS. Like, what do you mean there are ads in the start menu?

0

18 hours ago

ad, ads, built, computer, every, experience, humor, i, malware, mean, menu, operating, operating system, software, start, start menu, system, technology, time, user, user experience, Windows
I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

0

5 months ago

bar, before, crash, disappointed, disappointment, even, Google, humor, i, instruction, instructions, listen, name, results, sarcasm, search, under, weight
Why is experimental noise music always scary metallic noises and never fun sounds like people clapping and laughing and like bubbles and stuff?

0

4 months ago

always, bubble, clapping, experimental, experimental music, fun, fun sound, laughing, metallic, metallic noise, music, never, noise, noise music, noises, people, scary, scary sound, sound, sounds, stuff, why
You only live once and thank God for that.

0

2 months ago

appreciation, existence, God, gratitude, humor, irony, life, live, once, only, philosophy, thank, yolo
I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then.

0

2 months ago

cat, cats, communication, frustration, humor, i, me, mortgage, okay, pay, pet, yell
Behind every robot that turns evil is an engineer who specifically installed red LEDs into the eyes just for this scenario.

0

2 months ago

design, engineer, every, evil, eyes, humor, irony, just, led, red, red LED, robot, scenario, technology

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Facebook this month:

The year flies by when you’re scrolling.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

“You’re like cherry lip gloss. I just can’t get enough.”

39 shares on Facebook this month:

Sometimes I want to sleep, but my brain decides to do a little tap dance through every mistake I’ve ever made, instead.

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

That awkward moment when everything is going so perfectly… and then you wake up.

49 shares on YouTube this month:

A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Unc” is short for “unclear.” It’s unclear what it means. “Uncle” is short for “unclear” as well.

49 shares on Instagram this month:

I do not use AI, I use Reddit commenters’ opinions as fact because they are right.

16 shares on Slack this month:

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

The problem is I am always the problem.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If someone wants to spend time with you, they’ll let you know. Get rid of those people.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine falling in love and then finding out that they put antlers on their car for the holidays.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I relate to a rooster because I also want start off my day by screaming.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you think protein wants to be in all these things?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

There aren’t enough rap songs about cutting coupons.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The eyes are the windows to the soul. A mustache is the front garden, and the mouth is that big pothole the council should do something about.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,345

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

No one knows what I’m up to, not even me.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I wonder if people who spend all their time screaming on the internet know there are way more fun things to do.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I wish I could get a bouquet of mozzarella sticks.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Let’s be honest. The best moment of the day is when we take off our bra.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Haunted Houses this year are just gonna have the news on.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I have more trips planned than I have money.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Kids be like: “Nice bathroom mirror. It would be a shame if I spat toothpaste all over it.”

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but I can put my socks on without sitting down.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I think that McDonalds is putting an unhealthy amount of lettuce in the Big Macs these days.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

Making waves on YouTube:

Wake up, the thinking isn’t going to overthink itself.

Making waves on YouTube:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Maybe your baby is crying because he knows you don’t have rizz.

Trending via TikTok:

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

Making waves on Messenger:

Honey, get in the car. We have to go to the store because we’re retarded, and it’s Christmas Eve.

Just landed via Facebook:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

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