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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry if I seem weird, it’s because I am.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

I am never hungrier than when I leave the dentist and told I can’t eat right away.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Don’t buy me flowers. A bouquet of KitKats will suffice.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

I can’t blame this generation too much for doing stupid stuff. My generation thought seven Police Academy movies were a good idea.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

100% of all babіes are unemployed. Pathetіc.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

As a pigeon mother, I would never let my pigeon daughter hang around the station. That’s really no place for a young pigeon lady.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

242 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,511

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,511

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,712

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

Breaking via X:

I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

Just shared via Slack:

If you order a pizza with veggies on it, you can tell people you had a salad.

Going bananas on X:

When the exam is so hard that you look out the window to appreciate nature.

Live now on Reddit:

Boxes of pasta don’t need a plastic window. I believe pasta is in the box.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Tried a smile yesterday and my white blood cells attacked it.

Spotted on Facebook:

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

Spotted on Instagram:

I just be minding my business, and next thing you know, a payment is due.

It is not without reason that all telescopes searching for intelligent life are pointed away from Earth.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs aliens when we've got humans to deal with, am I right? 👽🌎 #OutOfThisWorldDrama"

aliens, away, Earth, exploration, humor, intelligent, intelligent life, irony, life, observation, reason, science, space, space exploration, telescopes

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I swear some songs have background noises of your mum shouting your name from downstairs.

0

5 months ago

background, background noise, downstairs, family, humor, i, mum, name, noise, noises, relatable, shouting, song, songs, swear
I simply accept my extreme loneliness as punishment for something I did in a past life, and don’t worry about it.

0

1 month ago

accept, acceptance, extreme, humor, i, life, loneliness, past, past life, punishment, self-deprecation, simply, something, worry
When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

0

2 months ago

frustration, humor, i, irony, life, need, search
When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

0

2 months ago

communication, expectations, forget, humor, i, kids, minute, parenting, procrastination, saying, something, tell
Hi. I didn’t mean to “like” your tweet. I was scraping dried jelly off my phone.

0

2 months ago

accident, distraction, food, humor, i, jelly, mean, media, mistake, phone, social, social media, tweet
It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

0

2 months ago

cost, costs, daily, daily expense, day, exist, existence, expense, feels, financial, financial struggle, humor, inflation, just, money, struggle

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on X this month:

Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

34 shares on X this month:

I can’t believe bedtime used to be a punishment.

59 shares on Slack this month:

What if babies had two umbilical cords and if you cut the wrong one, it exploded?

39 shares on Discord this month:

Apparently, responding to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong. I know that now.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

I used to think “9 to 5” means a job from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

65 shares on Threads this month:

People pleasing doesn’t go well with my black attire.

18 shares on X this month:

Online dating is stupid because scent is such an important factor of attraction.

93 shares on Pinterest this month:

There is too much money in the world for me to be broke.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesn’t even get to be in one.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

Floppy disks are like Jesus. They died to become the icon of saving.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

White elephant: Nothing brings people together like fighting over absolute garbage.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Terrifying if true: Her eyes lighting up a room.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

I need something good to watch while I’m on my phone.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Putting my Christmas tree up today. Big day for my cats.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

The easiest diet is lack of money. You don’t have to do anything.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

It’s crazy that we’re closer to the year 3000 then I am to finding love.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

“I’m at that stage of Christmas shopping where I start buying myself presents.”

Making waves on Twitch:

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

Shared recently on Reddit:

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I hate when the iPhone corrects ‘Omw’ to ‘On my way!’. Man, I am not that excited.

Spotted on WeChat:

I’m sick of living through history!

Going bananas on Messenger:

Everyone is celebrating my vegan Bolognese sauce. The secret ingredient is minced meat.

Spotted on Discord:

Television is better for you than phone. It is like vaping vs smoking.

Spotted on Instagram:

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

Spotted on TikTok:

My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

Seen just now on Threads:

The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It is not without reason that all telescopes searching for intelligent life are pointed away from Earth.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I swear some songs have background noises of your mum shouting your name from downstairs.

I simply accept my extreme loneliness as punishment for something I did in a past life, and don’t worry about it.

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

Hi. I didn’t mean to “like” your tweet. I was scraping dried jelly off my phone.

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨