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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

That awkward moment when everything is going so perfectly… and then you wake up.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

There is a grave concern that this post will produce zero likes.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Reading for pleasure implies the existence of reading for pain. They’re calling it a PhD.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

You can’t spell crypto without “cry”.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

We often come across people in life who make us think: “Oh look, evolution takes a break too!”

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

By the time someone says, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,612

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

Spotted on Facebook:

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I’m inventing a website for unemployed people called LinkedOut.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Going viral on YouTube:

I don’t know why everyone wants love like in the movies. A movie is only 2 hours.

Shared recently on Threads:

There’s an unwritten rule: if you need something and it’s available at your mom’s house, it’s yours.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Nobody warns you of the devastation two days of stuffing will bring upon your digestive system.

Freshly posted on Slack:

My stress stresses me out to the point where I’m too stressed to deal with my stress.

Making waves on Discord:

Caught a belt loop on a door handle and got yanked back with such force that my audio is no longer in sync with my actions.

Making waves on Twitch:

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

It’s all fun and games until your jeans don’t fit any more.

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It’s all fun and games until your jeans don’t fit any more.
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Commentary:
"Remember, folks, life is like a pair of jeans – it's all fun and games until you realize you've been enjoying a bit too much fun and now those jeans are giving you a not-so-subtle reminder. It's all about finding that perfect balance between enjoyment and elastic waistbands!"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on Facebook this month:

I only went to medical school to figure out where your arms are supposed to go when you sleep and they didn’t even teach us that.

65 shares on Threads this month:

Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

I keep pressing the space bar, but I’m still on Earth.

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sometimes I read a text and think, “What a psycho.” And then I press send.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

50 shares on TikTok this month:

All the best memories with my dad start with “Don’t tell your mom about this.”

34 shares on Threads this month:

Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

45 shares on Reddit this month:

Respect people who wear glasses because they paid money to see you.

92 shares on Telegram this month:

I wish more modern politics were about trying to stop the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s crazy I need a certificate to prove I was born when you can literally just look at me.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

It takes so much energy to go inside a Walmart.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you ever look into your cats eyes and realize that a person is inside there?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I can’t have a pleasant, safe and affordable life, my government said no.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,520

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Someone you haven’t talked to in forever will show up in your dream just to do a backflip.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Apparently, when you treat someone the same way they treat you, they get offended!

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Them: Good morning! Me: Where?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Defeating imposter syndrome by actually being incompetent.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Gwyneth Paltrow, I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

One of the toughest jobs in parenting is serving the inevitable eviction notice on your kid’s pillow fort.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Weed smokers be like, “Hold up — before we go to the store, I have to get scared.”

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

I wish someone would light up the way Siri does when I say, “Hey.”

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”

Seen just now on Snapchat:

The main difference between my dog and my kid is my dog responds to her name being called.

Making waves on X:

I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.

Just landed via Threads:

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

Seen just now on Telegram:

There’s two sides to every story, and then there’s these screenshots I got.

Just landed via Reddit:

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

Making waves on TikTok:

The only ‘survival horror’ game I play is called ‘getting up every day and leaving the house.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Money is always a motive for murder. Stay broke.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

It’s so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.

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