Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

We’d never met, or even spoken, but I could tell just from gazing into her pale blue eyes I had stepped on her toe.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Me every time I wake up: Oh no, not again!

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

You can’t spell crypto without “cry”.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

People pleasers aren’t kind. They’re afraid.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

I don’t have any rizz but I do have snacks in my purse.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll never regret the megabites I’ve tasted.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

My social circle is so small that when the phone rings, I know it’s scammers.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

When Dr. Seuss wrote, “Oh, The Places You’ll Go,” he did not consider how comfortable my couch would be.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

I don’t understand why people have to “get ready for bed.” I am always ready for bed.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,576

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

Making waves on X:

Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.

Breaking via Twitch:

The sexual tension between me and disappearing without an explanation.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Live now on Threads:

People who talk about fruit having too much sugar scare me so bad. Please get back, you wicked witch!

Just shared via Reddit:

For whom the Fetty Waps.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Worst fears: 1. being infertile 2. being pregnant.

Shared recently on Instagram:

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

Just landed via Pinterest:

You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

2 months ago

0

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, it's like watching a mystery unravel, only to find out the biggest mystery is how the police managed to misplace all the clues! 🕵️‍♂️🕵️‍♀️ Time to call in the detective squad… or maybe just the Scooby Gang! 🐶🔍

botched, comedy, crime, documentary, every, humor, investigation, police, story, true, true crime

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t care if it’s cliché, I will always enjoy a ‘small town but something messed up is happening’ story.

0

2 months ago

always, care, cliché, enjoy, entertainment, happening, humor, i, mystery, small, small town, something, story, suspense, town
I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

0

2 months ago

confusion, exit, humor, i, insanity, mind, self-deprecation, wit
I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

0

2 months ago

dinner, door, family, give, humor, i, independence, kids, McDonald’s, me, money, nostalgia, own, parenting, place, say, visits, wait
No, you don’t understand. This is my special mistake. I keep making it because it is very dear to me, like an old friend.

0

5 months ago

affection, flaw, friend, friendship, humor, i, keep, love, making, me, mistake, old, old friend, personal, personal flaw, repetition, special, special mistake, understand
No, you tell me what YOU were doing during that gap in my resume.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, doing, employment, gap, humor, interview, job, job interview, me, moment, question, resume, tell
“You’re in her DMs, my faint presence sits in her Spotify Wrapped through the music I introduced her to. We’re not the same.”

0

4 weeks ago

comparison, DM, DMs, humor, i, introduction, jealousy, media, music, presence, relationship, same, social, social media, Spotify, Spotify Wrapped, through, wrapped

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Threads this month:

Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest.

64 shares on Reddit this month:

For a girl that loves sleep and hates stress, my career choice is questionable.

95 shares on TikTok this month:

My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.

78 shares on Snapchat this month:

Another Netflix price increase? Guess we’re only chilling now.

17 shares on Pinterest this month:

I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why Eggs Benedict is $23

91 shares on X this month:

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

18 shares on Twitch this month:

The world would be a much nicer place if we just turn off the news.

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Dear recipe websites. I don’t need your life story. Just give me the recipe.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s no one I respect more than duck hunters. You spent $15,000 on a camouflage boat to outsmart a duck.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

They charge you for the groceries and then they charge you for the toilet paper when you turn the groceries into poop. Open your eyes!

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody shoots annoying people into the sun anymore and that’s why there are so many of them left on earth.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

So rude to come up with solutions to my excuses.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Roses are red. I’m going to bed.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Unsolicited sandwich pics.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife is napping quietly and the villain of this story is about to be this sneeze.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,612

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

“In a galaxy far, far away” is starting to sound quite enticing.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Who needs therapy when you can just cry in a fast-food parking lot.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Every time I buy vegetables it’s a triumph of hope over experience.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

My girlfriend wants us to try couples counseling and I said we should use my therapist because he already knows what’s wrong with her.

Shared recently on Slack:

I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

They should invent a food that sounds good for dinner tonight.

Trending via Twitch:

The devil couldn’t reach me so he made sure my love life was bullshit.

Trending via Slack:

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

Trending via Discord:

I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

Just landed via Snapchat:

The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.

Trending via Pinterest:

Studies show young people are having less sex than previous generations. I knew I was ahead of my time.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴