Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Reality just couldn't take a hint, so now it's been officially ghosted with a restraining order 👻⚖️. Sorry, reality, it's not you, it's me… wanting to live in my own little dreamland 🌟💭. #ByeFelicia"

coping, escapism, humor, just, order, reality, restraining, restraining order, sarcasm, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

5 months ago
40s, age, aging, back, back pain, every, flare-up, health, humor, know, middle, middle age, never, pain, random, random pain, time, welcome
Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

1 month ago
am, day, humor, i, identity, just, laziness, sleepy
Being gracefully insane is the secret to a happy life.

1 month ago
being, gracefully, happiness, happy, health, humor, insane, insanity, joy, life, mental, mental health, secret, self-acceptance, uniqueness
Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?

1 month ago
cable, chores, cleaner, dominator, household, household chores, humor, needs, sarcasm, technology, vacuum, vacuum cleaner
I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

1 month ago
clone, cooking, couch, dishes, domestic, domestic tasks, humor, i, laundry, myself, procrastination, self-improvement, sitting, tasks, TV, watching
I don’t hate you, I just don’t want to see you alive.

2 months ago
alive, hate, humor, i, just, relationships, sarcasm, want

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

You look like you can go as yourself for Halloween.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

The Slow and the Furious: me navigating a shopping cart through a grocery store filled with morons.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Anyone else’s phone make a retching noise when you unlock it with Face ID?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Prior to the arrival of Paper and Scissors, Rock faced no competition.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

One person’s logic is another one’s “what the heck?”

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.

Just shared via Threads:

Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’m planning to eat the rich, but can I sub out fries for a salad?

Spotted on Discord:

Bro, did you really just mix up e.g. and i.e. in front of the hoes?

Live now on Messenger:

Just because you can connect to your neighbor’s bluetooth speaker and play ghost noises doesn’t mean you should.

Spotted on Instagram:

In case anyone hasn’t told you today, I’m beautiful.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

Being gracefully insane is the secret to a happy life.

Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

I don’t hate you, I just don’t want to see you alive.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I’m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here plucking chin hairs.

The feminine urge to open a coffee shop that’s also a library, a bakery, and a flower shop.

This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone. But it will pass.

Does everyone’s inner monologue have a laugh track?

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

I deleted Google when I met you because the search was over.

I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

Why is experimental noise music always scary metallic noises and never fun sounds like people clapping and laughing and like bubbles and stuff?

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

You can always tell when a man’s mustache is performative and not representative of his true spirit.

Grateful to be living in the “Tetris when it’s going too fast and blocks are helplessly piling up” era of human history.

Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

Imagine earning a science degree then having to be a meteorologist who announces the prophecy of a groundhog.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit card.

My favorite conspiracy theory is that things will get better.

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

When I was a kid, there were two ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

I love talkative cats. Like, yeah, bro. Meow, meow! You’re so right.

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I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

Being gracefully insane is the secret to a happy life.

Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

I don’t hate you, I just don’t want to see you alive.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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