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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Laundry day is my favorite day of the week. That’s why I dress for it every day.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Bird flu? Yeah, they’re known to do that.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

The fewer the people, the greater the inner peace.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Spotify Wrapped isn’t enough, I want an Excel spreadsheet of my listening habits.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

I’m starting to think that the secret to having a happy life is avoiding people.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Always be kind. You never know who has subscriptions to your favorite streaming apps.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,942

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

“What’s wrong with you?” Right now or in general?

Freshly posted on Threads:

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

Just landed via YouTube:

My mental health is as reliable as a flashlight in a horror film.

Seen just now on Threads:

When something Asian becomes popular enough, it becomes Mexican.

Making waves on WeChat:

I want to clarify that what I publish on social media does not define me as a person; I am worse.

Trending via Threads:

If you think I’m rude, you should hear the voices in my head.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

Just shared via X:

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

Making waves on Telegram:

Make it a habit to cry and act unhinged at meetings so you’re never invited back.

Trending via YouTube:

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.

2 months ago

0

I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the perfect way to unwind after a long day – because nothing says 'chill' quite like a good ol' serial killer documentary 🤯🔪 Who needs calming nature sounds when you can have murder mysteries, right? Stay creepy, my friend! 🕵️‍♂️ #UnconventionalRelaxation"

chilling, documentary, entertainment, humor, irony, just, killer, news, put, relax, relief, serial, serial killer, stress, stress relief, turned

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

0

2 months ago

expectation, frustration, humor, last, limit, patience, perspective, straw, surprise, thought
My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

0

2 months ago

barks, communication, dog, human, humor, i, intelligence, me, pet, smarter, understand, understanding, words
I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching TV shows, and playing video games is harder than any job.

0

2 months ago

activity, balance, entertainment, everyone, finding, fun, fun activity, game, games, harder, hobby, i, job, leisure, management, movie, playing, say, show, shows, speak, time, time management, TV, TV Show, video, video game, watching
Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

0

1 month ago

apple, apples, bad, blueberry, delicious, disgusting, Doritos, every, food, food humor, fruit, great, humor, inconsistency, know, problem, same, snack, sometimes, taste, time
Respect people who wear glasses because they paid money to see you.

0

2 months ago

glasses, humor, money, paid, people, respect, wear
Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

0

2 months ago

dating, gifts, humor, jewelry, just, laid, nice, relationships, romance, shopping, should, stores, trying

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Telegram this month:

This Monday is Mondaying like it’s never Mondayed before.

46 shares on Discord this month:

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

72 shares on Telegram this month:

Adulthood is just waking up tired one day, and then being tired forever after that.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

Sometimes being a woman is just trying to figure out if you’re hormonally sad, seasonally sad, or genuinely falling apart.

77 shares on Instagram this month:

Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.

11 shares on X this month:

Ever feel like you’re adulting, but only on the outside? Inside, you’re just a kid hoping someone else will make dinner.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

The most attractive thing a man can do is hitting his own head and repeating “stupid, stupid, stupid”.

25 shares on Facebook this month:

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

24 shares on TikTok this month:

What do you mean I overthink things (as I wonder if I hurt my dog’s feelings by liking cat videos on Instagram)?

42 shares on Slack this month:

Zombies only eat brains, so you are safe.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Old and bitter feels much better than I thought it would.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Can we bring back the lost art of just hanging out at your friends house doing absolutely nothing?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m feeling sexy today. You’ve been warned.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The concept of warding off vampires with crosses is so interesting to me. I wonder if it applies to any other religion or if they’re allergic to just Catholicism.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,627

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I feel useless but then I remember I breath out carbon dioxide for plants.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Can’t wait for when we’re all in our 80’s and still tweeting.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Women pretending not to see men staring at them is an essential survival skill.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

My favorite part of Spring is its rolls.

Shared recently on Slack:

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Broadcasted on Discord:

“I’m getting tired of everything being 100 dollars and 100 degrees.”

Just shared via Slack:

Please don’t flirt with me. I’m trying not to cheat on my crush who doesn’t like me.

Just shared via YouTube:

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Whoever invented the “skip intro” button really understood humans.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Car rides by yourself with loud music… they’re good for the soul.

Trending via Threads:

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and all I find is ingredients.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Netflix has every movie except the one you want to watch.

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