Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Oops, looks like debt collectors will have to hunt down my past selves! 🕵️‍♂️💸 Time travel might be the only solution here! ⏳🚀 Oh well, new year, new debts to ignore! 😆💼 #OutOfSightOutOfMind"

apology, debt, humor, i, joke, left, me, money, past, responsibility, sorry

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

0

2 months ago

ambition, colleagues, crime, documentary, humor, manage, me, Netflix, own, point, true, true crime, workplace
If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

0

2 months ago

better, food, food pun, give, going, humor, me, pizza, pun, thought
Yes, I know there is a really special place in hell for me. It’s called a throne.

0

2 months ago

hell, humor, i, irony, know, me, place, self-deprecation, special, special place, throne, wit, yes
Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

0

2 months ago

animals, dark, dark humor, here, humor, irony, me, religion, running, sacrifice, Satan, stop, zoo
Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

0

2 months ago

before, bring, carefully, course, everyday, everyday life, family, forgetfulness, grocery, grocery list, humor, i, life, list, me, mother, procrastination, tradition
I’m already ready to clock out from work tomorrow.

0

3 months ago

clock, clock out, ready, tomorrow, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m doing well at accomplishing nothing today and I’m very proud of myself.

20 shares on Threads this month:

I’m done with self-care. Time to learn some spells.

61 shares on Slack this month:

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

51 shares on Threads this month:

I touched grass today, and I’m still like this. Please advise.

42 shares on YouTube this month:

I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sports are better when you have hate in your heart.

25 shares on Slack this month:

In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency notify”, I put “Doctor.”

45 shares on Discord this month:

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

43 shares on YouTube this month:

Your password must contain a character… with a tragic backstory.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

There are always new uncomplimentary angles to view yourself from. Keep contorting!

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Girl, you gotta try this healing potion. It’s called beer.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

The main difference between my dog and my kid is my dog responds to her name being called.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Y’all need to stop marrying people who look just like you do but with a wig on.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Welcome to your 50’s. Your doctor and pharmacist are both in your contacts now.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

We all need to put the phone down, or it’s over for civilization.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

My favorite body lotion is Voltaren.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Over Christmas, some bastard has snuck into my house, gone into my wardrobe, stolen my work trousers, and replaced them with a smaller pair.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

Spotted on Discord:

Instead of those cute mini pizzas, they should invent gigantic ones that take four people to carry.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I’m sorry I didn’t text you back. I’m really busy watching the The Lord of The Rings in the form of mini clips on TikTok.

Spotted on Facebook:

When I was little, I didn’t care what I wore. I just went along with what my parents chose. When I look in old photo albums, l realize that they didn’t care either.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I often wonder how men could discover entire continents. Mine can’t even find the butter in the fridge.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

You know those couples who share their food? I mean, what kind of people are they? Aren’t they hungry?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

Yes, I know there is a really special place in hell for me. It’s called a throne.

Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

I’m already ready to clock out from work tomorrow.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨