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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

If the man is silent, he is a thinker. If the woman is silent, the thinker is in big trouble.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Does everyone in the world want to come to my house tomorrow?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

The nerve of a majority of people I meet being younger than me. How dare them?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2087 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,249

Funny Quotes Topics

14,989

Funny Quotes Images

12,249

23 seconds ago

3,442

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to use our phones in school. Mainly because the cords wouldn’t reach.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Trust my gut? The thing that tricks me into buying gas station sushi and roller dogs? No thanks.

Trending via Instagram:

While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

Live now on YouTube:

Can someone please just give me a participation trophy for making it through today, please?

Making waves on Messenger:

Being insane should at least burn calories.

Spotted on TikTok:

Nutrition labels should include an “What if I ate the whole thing” section.

Seen just now on Reddit:

A person becomes 10 times more attractive not by their looks but by photoshop.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past 2 years.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

6 months ago

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

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Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive dream of a patient seeking some medical honesty! 🤣 Who wouldn't appreciate a doctor with a dash of humility and a sprinkle of candidness? 🩺💬 Perhaps, just once, we'll stumble upon that mythical doctor who dares to admit the limits of medical certainty! 🤷‍♂️💡 #WishfulThinking"

doctor, good, guess, hear, humor, ID, just, medical, mine, say, uncertainty

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2087 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,249

Funny Quotes Topics

14,989

Funny Quotes Images

12,249

24 seconds ago

3,433

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

The best part about filling out doctor appointment forms online is when you get there and they say “hello, please fill out these forms!”

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

“Age is just a number!” Yeah, the older I get, the number I feel.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

So tonight me and my phone are playing hide and seek. So far my phone is winning.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Don’t worry, you’ll find the lost scissors when you’ll be searching for your glasses.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

I’d like to thank the municipal snow plow for recreating the wall from Game of Thrones at the end of my driveway.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

When you try to be humble and say it’s no big deal and they agree with you.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.

Just landed via YouTube:

To avoid burnout at work, use the 30-30 rule: after 30 minutes of work, quit your job and disappear into the mountains for 30 years.

Seen just now on YouTube:

If you turn your phone upside down, the stock market is actually doing quite well.

Going viral on X:

Work beers should be a daily thing.

Making waves on Instagram:

“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

Just shared via Telegram:

Why go to the art museum when I can just stare at you?

Spotted on Snapchat:

I hope we get the nice AI that enslaves us and makes us their pets and not the bad AI that enslaves us to mine lithium or something.

Spotted on Slack:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Trending via Threads:

Managers want a week of silence and meditation in order to be even more of a manager afterwards.

Making waves on TikTok:

Not sure why I drink anymore. I get the same effect from standing up too fast.

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