Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Nutrition labels should include an “What if I ate the whole thing” section.
  • I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.
  • A fun wedding bit is to sit next to a random guest, point to the bride or groom & whisper, “it should’ve been you”
  • Finally it’s Friday and I can go out. I’m putting the garbage out and I’ll be right back.
  • I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.
  • Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.