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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

If you ever wanted to know anything about me, just get me a bottle of wine, and you will, in fact, find out in about 10 minutes.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Source? It was revealed to me on a walk.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

All I want I for Christmas is to go to the mall in 1986.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I’m so lazy that I’ll break my tooth trying to get this tag off before I get up and get a scissor.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

I hate when I grab a live wire and everyone sees my damn skeleton.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Commas are like garlic, you measure with your heart.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Hear me out. What if we don’t elect another president, and we all just promise to be really good?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Boyfriend hasn’t accepted my LinkedIn request yet. He doesn’t want to connect. He doesn’t want to build.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

My watch battery is fully charged. So I got some time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,462

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

Seen just now on Facebook:

When you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants, so it’s illegal to dig it up. Follow me for more gardening tips!

Just shared via Reddit:

Anyone else smile at old people just to show that you’re one of the good ones.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

Just landed via X:

What I lack in moves on the dance floor, I more than make up for in dancing around a conversation.

Going viral on YouTube:

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Nothing prepares you for the day you wake up and realize you have a favorite cardigan.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Making waves on Pinterest:

If alcohol was the one that was banned instead of weed, then a lot of people would have had memories of hungry, stoned fathers instead of angry, drunk ones.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

If you break up with the same person enough times, you eventually get married. Never give up.

Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

1 month ago

Witty quote about enduring Monday struggles with a playful, humorous tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the Monday slump – a force to be reckoned with! 🤔 Sounds like last week's slump had serious staying power… Maybe this week, Monday will realize it's overstayed its welcome and make a swift exit! 😂 Here's to battling the Monday blues with humor and a strong cup of coffee! ☕️💪"

Friday, humor, last, lasts, Monday, motivation, procrastination, slump, time, week, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Slack this month:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nice tweets, bro. What medications are you on?

92 shares on WeChat this month:

Bruce Lee had a faster older brother named Sudden Lee.

31 shares on Twitch this month:

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

79 shares on Messenger this month:

I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’

36 shares on Discord this month:

The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened, and they’ll instantly start celebrating too. They have no idea what the context is; they’re just always ready to party, no matter what.

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

51 shares on X this month:

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

95 shares on Messenger this month:

My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job.

46 shares on Twitch this month:

I will trust someone on Reddit from 11 years ago with my life before using ChatGPT for anything.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Being insane should at least burn calories.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Tuah Kill a Hawkingbird

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,297

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Tupperware is a fun way to store your leftovers until you throw them away.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

This Monday has Monday written all over it.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Pyjamas straight off a hot radiator is a winner. Damn, I’m old.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Women love asking you questions about the movie you both are watching.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Nothing is smaller than the X on ads to click them away.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Got a botched circumcision, now my willy wonka.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Men be like, “You’ve been different ever since I disrespected you.”

Just landed via WhatsApp:

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

Just shared via Threads:

I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

If you want to feel really bad about yourself, just start dating.

Going viral on Threads:

In six days God created heaven and earth. On the seventh day, in the interests of balance, the BBC interviewed Satan.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Due to unfortunate circumstances, things are no longer fergalicious nor bootylicious.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I used to think money is everything. I still think money is everything.

Seen just now on Slack:

This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

Just shared via TikTok:

If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

Spotted on Discord:

The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

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