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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Men tell you “I know a place” and bring you to the brink of madness.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

The guy that said laughter is the best medicine obviously wasn’t suffering from diarrhea.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

I would be very interested to hear from someone who is ILLEGALLY blind.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Old Spice doesn’t sound like something you wanna smell.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

I’m experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away, whatever their profession.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Robots eating a bowl of cereal that’s actually a bunch of nuts and bolts, you don’t see that as much anymore.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

“Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,889

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Too many losers and not enough people telling them they’re losers.

Spotted on Twitch:

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

Trending via Telegram:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

Just shared via Twitch:

You’ve never burned music to a CD, and it shows.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

Just shared via Instagram:

Phew, I thought the weather was broken because there was this weird yellow thing in the sky. But all’s well, it’s raining again.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I love people who refuse to follow the crowd. The crowd is always lost, follow your inner compass.

Going viral on Threads:

Being in your 20s is crazy because, why did you stay with someone you were that incompatible with for that long?

Making waves on Threads:

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

Just shared via Facebook:

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

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Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the Monday slump – a force to be reckoned with! 🤔 Sounds like last week's slump had serious staying power… Maybe this week, Monday will realize it's overstayed its welcome and make a swift exit! 😂 Here's to battling the Monday blues with humor and a strong cup of coffee! ☕️💪"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Messenger this month:

When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.

47 shares on Telegram this month:

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

13 shares on Slack this month:

My most boomer complaint is that nobody knows how to bring an item out of courtesy to parties anymore.

68 shares on Slack this month:

I be like “communication is the key” then put my phone on do not disturb.

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

10 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m developing a new fragrance for introverts. It’s called: “Leave me the fuh cologne”.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

Bring me a higher love. You have 24 hours. No cops.

66 shares on Instagram this month:

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

98 shares on Twitch this month:

Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Accidentally wore a blue shirt to Walmart and now I’m in the stockroom showing Sue how to use the forklift.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s not a Sunday unless you completely waste it and then feel sad around 8 p.m.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re either really good at wrapping presents or you’re really beautiful and funny. It’s one or the other.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t judge me on my likes, I’m confusing the algorithm.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t normally like to brag about expensive trips but I just got back from the grocery store.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,811

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

What’s a good career for people with no motivation or talent?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Hanging out with a couple and saying, “May this love never find me,” every time there’s a slight conflict.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

That thing they say about getting drunk with the love of your life in a walkable city is no joke. It hits like crack.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Sorry about all the mean stuff I said when I was right.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Ah yes, my abandonment issues due to all the abandonment.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Females be cheating in healthy relationships, but are faithful in toxic ones.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

You know it’s bad when even a cheeseburger doesn’t help.

Making waves on Snapchat:

When you’re two beers in, and you realize she looks like God.

Breaking via Slack:

Why is everyone against sugar? Who stood beside you when things went wrong and you were sad? It wasn’t lettuce, for sure.

Just shared via Facebook:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today. I need the blood of my enemies.

Just shared via Facebook:

Why aren’t we using these t-shirt cannons for burritos?

Just landed via WeChat:

If we’re living in a dystopian nightmare, where the hell is my housekeeping robot?

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