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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

My dog sighs a lot for someone who doesn’t pay any bills.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I took your advice and worked smarter not harder. Now I’m going to need your advice on a good lawyer.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

This year I’d like an advent calendar with 24 different tranquilizers.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

I feel bad for Slash. He bought a goofy hat in like 1986 and now he has to wear it until the day he dies.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Might start signing off emails with, “But what do I know.”

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

I was an ugly baby. It’s been downhill since then.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

(lost in the labyrinth and I’m wearing a Fitbit) Nice, got my 10,000 steps.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,360

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

I suck at flirting, I end up arguing with them instead.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Me going to work because I’m too honest to scam people, too shy to be an influencer, too good for a sugar daddy, and too dumb for crypto.

Freshly posted on Discord:

The rain is pouring. So naturally it’s a good day to eat 6 donuts.

Just shared via YouTube:

There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now.

Spotted on Reddit:

My doctor no longer prescribes me Viagra. He just left me hanging.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

Spotted on Reddit:

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

Making waves on Facebook:

If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.

Life can only give you lemons if you answer the door.

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Life can only give you lemons if you answer the door.
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Commentary:
"Maybe life is just a persistent lemon salesman trying to make a deal 🍋🚪 Just remember, sometimes it's okay to pretend you're not home 😉"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Discord this month:

Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

21 shares on WeChat this month:

I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

57 shares on Slack this month:

Trying to bribe Monday with coffee to get it to act like a Friday.

64 shares on Facebook this month:

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

94 shares on Twitch this month:

If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Professor: Most of you won’t pass this course. Me: Cool, so you’re like, real shitty at your job.

54 shares on Threads this month:

I dare you to try and be more single than me.

95 shares on Twitch this month:

Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

66 shares on TikTok this month:

Silk is a crazy material. “I like your shirt,” thanks. It came out of a bug.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a huge to-do list, I just have to figure out who’s gonna do it.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m just here trying to spread a little joy while the world burns. Is that so wrong?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I think my leftovers are old enough to throw themselves away.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,638

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Whenever I feel like I hate my job, I remind myself that I could be a food taster for the emperor.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Sometimes I think I should talk to my colleagues more often. Until I talk to my colleagues.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Remember you are dust and, after you send this email, to dust you shall return.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

After being raised on Disney movies, I’m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

It doesn’t matter how bizarre your situation is. Somebody on Reddit already been there, done that.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

To everyone I’ve wronged this year. Next year same time, same place.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

Commas are like garlic, you measure with your heart.

Going viral on Facebook:

Ummmm, no, I don’t watch ‘Instagram Reels.’ I have TikTok. I like to get my brain damage directly from the original source.

Breaking via X:

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

Shared recently on Slack:

Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

Breaking via Reddit:

Can you turn your swag off for one second and listen?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

When you decorate your whole house for Christmas, what you’re really saying is “I’m not going to dust for at least a month.”

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

Just shared via Instagram:

Adulting is difficult. One minute you’re proud of yourself, the next minute you feel like you’re not doing enough.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I have a condition that prevents me from dieting. It’s called being hungry.

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