Trendy Funny Quotes

  • The secret to a clean home? Never let your husband or children in.
  • Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.
  • When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”
  • Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.
  • The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.
  • Got a new high score on my bathroom scale.