DES MOINES—Local man Greg Thompson provided valuable insights Tuesday, explaining how his biggest achievement in 2023 was expanding his waistline. “The only thing I gained this year is weight,” said Thompson, proudly showcasing his accomplished belly.

According to Thompson, his dedicated approach involved creating an ambitious snack schedule. “Who knew multitasking could be so easy? I eat while binging TV, scrolling social media, and even sleeping,” he revealed.

Inspired by his success, Thompson is drafting a motivational guide tentatively titled ‘Calories and Dreams: My Journey to Couch Olympian’. “I achieved what I set out to do,” he added, contemplating a sequel focused solely on couch-to-fridge marathons.