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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

If you’re cheering for the stormtroopers, we cannot be friends.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

I can’t sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

When you’re over 40 and a part of your body starts hurting for no reason that is nature sending a “what ya doing?” text.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

My favourite thing about waking up at ridiculous o’clock is the solitude.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about far too many people.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

[monthly_post_count]

Funny Quotes Total

14,549

Funny Quotes Topics

16,781

Funny Quotes Images

14,549

Nov 27, 2025

4,007

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Imagine if every time you stepped into an elevator, it played the “Mission Impossible” theme.

Just shared via Facebook:

Day number 3 without coffee: Lost hearing in my left eye.

Just landed via Discord:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Just landed via Slack:

I giggle before I go crazy. Gotta start my engine.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

Just shared via Telegram:

Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

Making waves on YouTube:

If you don’t believe aliens walk amongst us, who else could write such unnatural dialogue in pharmaceutical commercials?

Just shared via Discord:

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Calling me ugly isn’t even an insult, because I know already.

Shared recently on Twitch:

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

3 weeks ago

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

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Commentary:
"Marriages are like pancakes – sounds delicious, right? 🥞 But hey, if the first one turns out a bit burnt, it's okay to toss it and try again! 😅 Who knew breakfast foods could provide such sage advice on relationships? #PancakesOverHeartbreaks"

advice, cooking, humor, marriage, pancake, pancakes, relationship, sometimes, throw, throw out

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

[monthly_post_count]

Funny Quotes Total

14,549

Funny Quotes Topics

16,781

Funny Quotes Images

14,549

Nov 27, 2025

3,802

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

At the end of the day, it’s the friend that doesn’t take your ghosting phases personally.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

I really miss my family… sized bag of crisps.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

The season is back when women are 80% scarf.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Authentic isn’t automatically good. You could be an authentic douchebag.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Hear me out: agenda reveal parties for people we don’t trust.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

Making waves on Slack:

It infuriates me that computer Scrabble doesn’t get mad when I win even though I’m livid when it wins.

Just shared via Instagram:

Did you know that it’s actually possible to say, “I don’t know enough about this to have an opinion”?

Spotted on YouTube:

Adulthood is just waking up tired one day, and then being tired forever after that.

Making waves on Messenger:

I slept like a baby, knowing I’m a burden to everyone around me.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

Just shared via Facebook:

My sister: snowboards. My brother: skateboards. Me: charcuterie boards.

Shared recently on X:

The most I’ve ever spent on a bottle of wine is about 45 minutes.

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