Commentary:
"Marriages are like pancakes – sounds delicious, right? 🥞 But hey, if the first one turns out a bit burnt, it's okay to toss it and try again! 😅 Who knew breakfast foods could provide such sage advice on relationships? #PancakesOverHeartbreaks"
New funny quotes ✨
Commentary:
Ah, a true cupid of unconventional tastes! 💘🏹 Who needs arrows when you have baby Cupids with their tiny bows, aiming for hearts with pinpoint accuracy? 😄 Those Valentine's Day shenanigans have got nothing on you and your unique approach to romance! 😉 #CupidJunior
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- Don’t rub your happiness in people’s faces this Valentine’s Day. Let the couples enjoy themselves for once.
- To all of you who have never tried blindfold archery: You don’t know what you’re missing!
- It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.
- The inventor of archery: Man, I really wanna stab that guy over there.
- Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!
Commentary:
"Every gangster's bravado fades away when the ominous ding-dong of the doorbell echoes through the house. 🚪🔔 It's the ultimate reality check of adulthood – answer the door or live in denial as a reclusive mob boss! 😂"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.
- When the doorbell rings, I always go to the door with my jacket on. Depending on who it is, I either just want to leave or have just come home.
- That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you’re not home.
- Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.
- Everyone’s a gangster until they turn a spoon the wrong way under running water.

It’s important to remember that even parents make mistakes. In fact, it’s how many of us became parents.
Commentary:
"Remember, parents are just winging it too! 🤷♂️🤦♀️ After all, who needs a manual when you can create one with trial and error? 😂 #Parenting101 #MistakesWereMade"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.
- My parents told me I could be anything I wanted so I became unacceptable.
- I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.
- I’ve learned two important things in life, I can’t remember the first one, but the second one is to write everything down.
- I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

Being an adult is realizing $1000 is little money to have, but a lot to owe.
Commentary:
"Adulting is like a twisted game of Monopoly – except instead of collecting $100, you're suddenly drowning in $1000 debt 🎲💸 #TheRealBoardGameOfLife"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.
- I like running because it’s cheaper than paying for a gym membership. If the gym wants the money I owe them, they’ll have to catch me.
- Tired of being the responsible adult. When can I become the irresponsible adult?
- I see 1000 girls. I know 100 girls. I talk to 10 girls. I love 1 girl. And she doesn’t love me back.
- Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

I was googling about the best time to visit the Maldives. It’s when you have money.
Commentary:
"When is the best time to visit the Maldives? When your wallet is feeling hefty and your bank account is singing 'hallelujah! 💸☀️🏝️' It's all about that perfect timing in more ways than one! #TravelGoals"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- The best time to visit Japan is when you have money!
- Too many types of pasta. I can say my fav is Fliccaroni and not one of you can be sure if it’s real. Look at you googling it.
- Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.
- Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.
- Googling symptoms until you cry.
Commentary:
🤣 Sure, just be prepared to leave a part of yourself behind for posterity! 🐾 Who needs a fancy rug when you've got a friend like me shedding everywhere, right? 🙈 #FriendshipGoals #PetHairEverywhere
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.
- I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.
- My kid asked where babies come from and I said everywhere, man, they’re worldwide.
- Adulting means growing hair in places you’re not supposed to and losing hair in places you don’t want to.
- Walking into someone’s house with healthy, thriving houseplants everywhere: “Oh, I see you dabble in witchcraft!”

I don’t wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.
Commentary:
"Does anyone else feel personally victimized by Monday's relentless return? 🙄 Let's petition to replace it with a second Sunday, who's with me? 🙌 #MondaySlander"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.
- Not to be dramatic, but learning how to read has ruined my life.
- Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.
- I don’t need your flipping advice, I am capable of ruining my life on my own.
- Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.
Commentary:
📰🛍️ "Breaking News: Local woman baffles wallets and dazzles delivery men with yet another mind-boggling unnecessary online purchase! 💁♀️💸 Who needs a practical reason to shop when you can just stun everyone with your fabulousness instead? Stay tuned for more updates on this fashionable and financially fearless phenomenon!"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- Breaking news is really breaking me.
- The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.
- Breaking News: Jenny on Facebook is having salad for dinner tonight.
- Breaking news: you’re way less interesting than you think you are.
- Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

Old people be like “no elbows on the table, it’s rude” then say something racist.
Commentary:
Old people be like "no elbows on the table, it's rude" 🧐… and then proceed to drop a racially charged comment like it's some kind of tea party game of bingo 🙄🤷♂️. Oh, the joys of generational quirks and contradictions! #JustOldPeopleThings 🤣
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- The difference between the kids table and the adults table during holiday dinners is that there is much more screaming, crying, and arguing at the adults table.
- It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.
- I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”
- The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.
- My funeral better have a bloody merch table.
Commentary:
"Ready to tackle Monday like a boss, even if it means holding on to that thread for dear life! 🤣💪 Bring it on, week, we'll keep hanging in there like the resilient champs we are! 🙌 #MondayMotivation"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- Super excited about a brand new week of faking it.
- Super excited about a brand new year full of questionable life choices.
- Super excited about a brand new day of ignoring my problems.
- Soccer: I love when they hold up the sign and a brand new, beautiful boy takes the place of a dirty, sweaty, ruined one.
- I love when I get an email from a brand saying “we miss you!” with no coupon attached. Babe, a lot of people miss me, let’s be competitive here.