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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

When someone has “Do Not Disturb” on, it’s like, oh, okay, I didn’t realize the great philosopher was in their hour of seclusion. Pardon me for even daring to enter their precious mind palace.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Girls know how to flirt until it’s with someone they actually like.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Beginning of August is always wild because it’s peak summertime, but the veil is so thin, like it’s Halloween.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

We don’t make people walk the plank like we used to.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Remember when we were kids and did everything we could to grow up? We were so stupid!

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

I don’t know why we traded horses for cars. Your car won’t stop in front of a river and be like, “no way dumbass, we aren’t going to make that.”

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremedous boredom.”

Spotted on Discord:

I suck at charging my phone, 21 percent charged, and I’m taking it off so I can lay the other way.

Shared recently on YouTube:

What’s a positive thought for beginners? I’ve been getting into optimism lately.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

Seen just now on WeChat:

My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

Live now on TikTok:

Enemies to lovers is only good if they’re gay. If I wanted to see a man and a woman yell at each other, I’d just go downstairs and eat with my parents.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Women in movies look so beautiful when they sleep. Meanwhile, I’m tossing and turning all night like a forgotten 7-Eleven hot dog.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Going bananas on Threads:

If at first you don’t succeed, the internet will let you know immediately.

My bank account may not be full but my sink, laundry basket and arteries sure are.

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My bank account may not be full but my sink, laundry basket and arteries sure are.
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Commentary:
"Oh, the true richness of life: a sink overflowing with dishes, a laundry basket spilling clothes, and arteries clogged with love (and maybe a few too many snacks 🍔🍕🍟). Who needs money when you're this 'wealthy' in messes and cholesterol? 💸🧺🍔"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.

94 shares on Reddit this month:

Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I don’t go. It’s a running gag.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.

39 shares on Messenger this month:

Men microdose bicuriousness by asking what you’d do for a million dollars.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

I am a person who wants to get a lot done, trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep in and take naps at times.

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It sure is strange that after Tuesday the rest of the week spells WTF.

10 shares on Instagram this month:

If I found E.T., I would’ve developed his jump shot.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

Rule number 1 at a concert: Don’t sing while filming!

81 shares on YouTube this month:

“You smell so good!” Okay, so kiss me.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a good heart has done nothing but made me look stupid.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I just bought a universal remote. This changes everything.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Mayor of a small town is such a wild job. It’s like being the president of a country where you went to high school with the whole population.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Roses are red. Daisies are white. I’m in a grumpy mood. My underwear is too tight.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“Nothing burger” is such a funny phrase. Americans when nothing: so imagine a burger.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Any place is a walkable city if you’re broke enough.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t argue with idiots on the Internet, I just keep scrolling and mind my own business.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls be like, “I know a spot,” then sacrifice you under the full moon.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“Nobody wants to work anymore!” Personally, I have never wanted to work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,722

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

If you ghosted me, don’t come back. Maintain that energy, babe. Stay dead.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

A spoonful of peanut butter from the jar will fix me.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

I feel sorry for non-glasses wearers. They’ll never know the joy of cleaning them and suddenly being upgraded to the UHD package.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Know what goes good with beer? Another one.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Let’s go out for carrots sometime.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

If sex was strictly meant for procreation, why did God make it feel so good?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down. You’re almost there.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

I firmly believe that at this point my guardian angel is just eating popcorn and watching the drama.

Just shared via Twitch:

It was a complicated 17-hour surgery, but they finally managed to separate the art from the artist.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Trending via Reddit:

We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

Breaking via Discord:

It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

Just shared via Threads:

We’re all naughty, some just more than others.

Trending via Discord:

I’m lacking vitamin c-ash.

Making waves on Reddit:

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

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