Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I wonder what the part of my brain that used to store people’s phone numbers is doing now.
  • In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.
  • Take one positive friend and one negative friend with you on your next road trip. That way when your battery dies, you can hook cables to them and start your car.
  • I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.
  • I don’t see why walking is healthy. Zombies walk constantly and they look awful.
  • How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?