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Ah, the ultimate throwback to hindsight humor! It seems like someone had a rough start from day one, but hey, at least they didn't make the same mistake twice… or did they? Birthdays must be a real blast for this person, huh?

birth, existential, humor, irony, life, mistake, self-deprecation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

No revenge, because I don’t even remember what happened.

1 month ago
amnesia, comedy, even, forgetfulness, humor, i, irony, memory, remember, revenge
When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

1 month ago
ask, asking, communication, excuse, humor, husband, just, let, marriage, me, procrastination, relationship, using, whatever, wife
Everyone thinks they’re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

1 month ago
badass, beach, everyone, fear, humor, leg, nature, reality, seaweed, surprise
Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

1 month ago
cycle, frustration, health, hour, humor, joke, just, last, leave, menstruation, period, point, pregnancy, pregnant, time, why, women’s, women’s health
I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

1 month ago
absurdity, baby, confusion, greasing, humor, i, oil, parenting
Sunday is my favorite day to invent new things to worry about.

1 month ago
day, favorite, favorite day, humor, invent, new, new things, procrastination, relaxation, Sunday, things, worry

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

The brand name Oral B is so funny to me. WTF does the B stand for?

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

There is too much happening for mid-December. Where are the canceled meetings? Why are we not circling back next year?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

They should invent a day where it all works out.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

“Boy, you made these perimenopausal ovaries come back to life,” – me flirting.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Commenting “what about us?” on all Valentine pics this year.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

You’re telling me this moron’s on oxy.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Am I the only one who wonders why the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?

Making waves on Telegram:

I put the “sexy” in “dyslexic.”

Spotted on Threads:

My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

You ever get surprised by your own recurring issues? Like, come on man, I thought we were past this.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

It’s so foggy outside. Y’all gotta stop vaping.

Going bananas on Discord:

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

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My first mistake of my life was my birth.

No revenge, because I don’t even remember what happened.

When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

Everyone thinks they’re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

Sunday is my favorite day to invent new things to worry about.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Sleep well, middle finger—you’ve got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

Adulting is only fun when you have the funds.

Seeing a BBL in real life is a reality-altering experience.

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Late replies don’t bother me. As long as we’re not in love, or you don’t owe me money, take your time.

Maybe the reason we weren’t that affected by all the violence we saw in cartoons as kids is because it was offset by classical music.

Chill, folks, it’s just a simulation.

“Is this a joke to you?” Unfortunately, everything is a little bit of a joke to me.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

I asked my boyfriend if he believed in trolls and elves and he said, “slightly.”

I have good problem-solving skills, but my problem-creating skills are where I really shine.

For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their head— it expired.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

I’d change my name to laundry if it meant you’d think about doing me every day.

If you’re reading this, drink some water. You’re not a cactus.

If humanity is so smart, how come it took thousands of years after the wheel was invented for someone to put them on a suitcase?

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My first mistake of my life was my birth.

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No revenge, because I don’t even remember what happened.

When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

Everyone thinks they’re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

Sunday is my favorite day to invent new things to worry about.

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

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