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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

For Christmas, I’d like to figure it all out.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

I took a test to see if I have multiple personalities. I scored 100%, 92% and 88%.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

If men didn’t exist, I would simply go for a 2 a.m. walk every night and listen to music in my AirPods.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Booked an escape room but just to get away from everyone. No plans of escaping.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

We really grew up in the best era to be a kid, and the worst era to be an adult.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Don’t worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

I hate when I forget to say something during an argument. Like, hey, let’s argue again, I got better material now.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

There is no sex. I lied. You are gonna lay here and take personality quizzes with me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Jan 11, 2026

3,504

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

If you’re reading this, drink some water. You’re not a cactus.

Trending via Twitch:

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I’m at the age where unnecessary noise be pissing me off.

Broadcasted on X:

Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

In 2007, if you wore a long-sleeve T-shirt under a regular T-shirt, it meant that you liked music.

Seen just now on TikTok:

You’d think the thing in my house with the most cat hair on it would be my cat.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Be bold, be italic, but never regular.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Please pray for my husband, he’s struggling to find me.

Trending via WeChat:

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

Spotted on Reddit:

Blink if you want me!

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

2 months ago

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like this person's hair is their ultimate snitch! 🕵️‍♂️💇‍♀️ DNA evidence? Check! Hair everywhere? Double check! Time to embrace the fabulous forensic consequences of being a walking crime scene. 💁‍♂️🦠"

commit, commit crime, crime, DNA, everywhere, hair, humor, i, identity, leave, me, never, personal, personal trait, trait

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.

2 months ago

craving, eating, embarrassing, embarrassment, food, humor, i, just, kind, spend, thinking, time
As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

2 months ago

cream, eat, finish, food, humor, i, ice, ice cream, kid, kids, parenting, parents, sacrifices, time, today
I’m eating for two; me and the person I strive to be.

2 months ago

eating, food, humor, i, me, motivation, person, self-improvement, strive
I feel like this holiday season, it’s important to remind people of the true meaning of Christmas: ghosts terrorizing rich people in the middle of the night until they agree to pay their employees more.

4 weeks ago

agree, Christmas, commentary, employee, employees, feel, ghost, ghosts, holiday, holiday season, humor, i, important, meaning, middle, night, pay, pay raise, people, person, raise, remind, rich, rich person, season, social, social commentary, true
Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

2 months ago

blood, drama, drawing, exaggeration, fine, floorboard, girls, humor, pentagram, relationship, start
I’m going to a karaoke bar tomorrow, where I’ll sing every song in the style of Yoko Ono.

2 months ago

activity, bar, entertainment, every, fun, fun activity, going, humor, karaoke, music, ono, parody, performance, sing, singing, song, style, tomorrow, where, yoko, Yoko Ono

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on Twitch this month:

I forgot to get milk, so Santa has a cup of Pepsi Max.

58 shares on YouTube this month:

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

Food gives you energy to nap more.

90 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

64 shares on TikTok this month:

Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

36 shares on Telegram this month:

If you’re just talking nonsense all the time and not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re either in love or at the office.

24 shares on Twitch this month:

Shoutout to the friends that still like me. All two of you.

89 shares on Threads this month:

I got 3 miles in before breakfast. That’s enough driving for the day.

43 shares on Pinterest this month:

Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The Titanic is a great lesson of why “just the tip” can get you into a whole lot of trouble.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Real lovers are currently single, by the way.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Me every time I wake up: Oh no, not again!

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,411

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

The Wi-Fi stops working for 2 minutes, and suddenly I start thinking about life.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Here’s a question for all the mind readers out there.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

My life changed when I learned some house spiders can’t survive outside, so now I just catch them and release them in a friend’s home.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

My search history is filled with me googling regular words just to make sure I’m using them right.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

I want to make you say, “Oh God,” in a way that makes God nervous.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m mature now… I dislike the whole week.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

“How am I supposed to avoid Al when I’ve procrastinated on a paper?” With a night full of caffeine and nicotine like your forefathers, you babies.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

“I’ve never met a medical receptionist that I believed wanted me to live.”

Seen just now on WeChat:

My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday.

Trending via Messenger:

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

Live now on Pinterest:

Remember when we had to smack the TV cause it wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about too many people.

Just shared via Messenger:

No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has line danced to Achy Breaky Heart.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Of all the ways to be miserable, marriage is the most expensive.

Live now on Facebook:

Live, laugh, leftovers.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The sexual tension between me and vanishing without context is insane.

Seen just now on Messenger:

“You’re always drinking wine!” God forbid a girl enjoys the first miracle of Jesus.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

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