My heart says, chocolate and wine, but my jeans say “Woman, are you kidding? Eat a salad!”

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

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I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

I’m here by unpopular demand.

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There’s nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Dear ghosts, if you can move stuff around and flicker lights, then you can use a mop.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

No, I don’t want to read the article first, I want to argue now.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.