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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

People who shower at night are bold enough to assume tomorrow’s even happening.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

You lose some, you lose some more.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Your odds are greater of being killed by a coconut rather than a shark and this is exactly why I don’t swim in coconut-infested waters.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Not gonna lie, the age I’m turning this year sounds a little serious, and I don’t like it.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

765 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,927

Funny Quotes Topics

13,899

Funny Quotes Images

10,927

Updated

8 minutes ago

Users Online

3,424

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

How do I get someone to unknow me? I no longer want to be known by these people.

Going viral on Instagram:

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

Shared recently on Discord:

Are you my appendix? Cause you seem kind of useless to me.

Seen just now on Messenger:

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

Making waves on Instagram:

I’m just here trying to spread a little joy while the world burns. Is that so wrong?

Trending via Snapchat:

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I like to just appear out of nowhere and say, “this looks like a job for a binder clip.”

Just landed via X:

If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

Just landed via Discord:

When I was a kid, there were two ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.

My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like someone's muffin top decided to level up and go all out for the celebration! Who needs a small treat when you can have the whole cake, right? Time to celebrate every inch of that delicious birthday cake body!

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

765 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,927

Funny Quotes Topics

13,899

Funny Quotes Images

10,927

Updated

8 minutes ago

Users Online

3,421

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Sorry I’m late. It’s just because of who I am as a person.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

I don’t like violence, but I don’t mind if I get hit by luck.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

Reported on Snapchat:

Whoever’s praying on my downfall, I appreciate you thinking of me.

Reported on Telegram:

Dear razor commercials, please stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress someone, shave a gorilla.

Spotted on WeChat:

Hey, are you an aurora borealis or why am I waiting in vain for you to appear?

Going viral on X:

You think you’re cool and then you see a video of yourself running.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Pesto is just an Italian word that means “produced by pounding”, so in a way we are all pesto.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

The fact that I have more clothes to sleep in than I do to go out in says a lot about who I am as a person.

Reported on Messenger:

As president, I will allow people to use the same password as before when changing their password.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

The best part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work. The worst part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

“Well, at least tomorrow is Friday.” -Me, having a bad Wednesday that’s about to get even worse.

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