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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I deleted Google when I met you because the search was over.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

I probably think this song is about me.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Sorry, I’m late. Time isn’t real, and I’m not convinced I am either.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Getting your hair washed by someone else is one of life’s greatest joys no one really speaks about often.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Really looking forward to the day my teenager starts speaking English again.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Venn diagrams. You either love ‘em or you hate ‘em. Or you’re somewhere in the middle.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,701

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

Going viral on Snapchat:

You cannot trust me at a zoo because I’ll release the animals.

Going bananas on Discord:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

Live now on Reddit:

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Making waves on Threads:

Go ahead and use that semi-colon; no one will know you’re doing it wrong.

Shared recently on Threads:

My superpower is to make anyone I wanna make comfortable feel uncomfortable.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

Making waves on Slack:

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

Breaking via Threads:

Being loved right feels like telepathy and a little bit of witchcraft.

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

2 months ago

0

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like your bagpipes have some serious competition in the noise-making department! 🎵🤣 Who knew that late-night shouting could drown out the sweet sounds of the bagpipes? Maybe your neighbors need to schedule a duet rehearsal with you next time! 🎶🎤

annoyance, bagpipes, hear, humor, i, music, neighbors, night, noise, shouting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

According to my calculations, we’re all screwed.

0

2 months ago

calculations, existential, humor, irony, joke, life, math, screwed
Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

0

2 months ago

automatic, automatic door, delay, door, door delay, doors, dumb, embarrassment, enough, everyday, everyday life, fast, humor, impatience, life, me, open, social, social embarrassment
If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

0

2 months ago

after, charcuterie, denial, eating, finished, food, humor, licking, me, party, plate, saw, snack
The first 7 days of the week aren’t for me.

0

2 months ago

days, humor, me, procrastination, rest, week, weekend
Prison pen pal doesn’t want us to write each other anymore. Finds my life too depressing.

0

4 weeks ago

communication, depressing, finds, friendship, humor, letter, life, pal, pen, pen pal, prison, too, us, want, writing
The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

0

2 months ago

cause, commentary, country, fixing, humor, immigration, irony, main, people, satire, social, social commentary, still, want, where, working

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on X this month:

Cafeteria is a beautiful name for a baby girl.

55 shares on Messenger this month:

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You’re so productive for your wage.

22 shares on WeChat this month:

Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.

56 shares on Discord this month:

To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!

80 shares on Pinterest this month:

My kids wanted a spooky story from the olden days so I told them the internet used to scream when you turned it on.

48 shares on X this month:

I’m writing a book on the joys of drinking beer. So far I’ve been through a lot of drafts.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

My washing machine is over here taking load after load, like Bonnie Blue.

67 shares on Telegram this month:

Everybody thinks “Free Hugs” signs are cute, unless you’re a boa constrictor.

20 shares on YouTube this month:

Praying none of y’all are unwrapping podcast equipment.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I love being wrong, it’s just like being right except easier and I get to be stupid, which is my favorite thing.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of hairstyles and make-up, there should be YouTube tutorials on polite behavior.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re not easily offended, why are you even online?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Being gracefully insane is the secret to staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I deliberately don’t go to bed early. I don’t want to look like I could be useful for anything the next day.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Next time you think I am flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for desire.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The best part about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours – left, right, middle.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,420

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

You’re an adult. You can do what you want. Wait…You have kids? Never mind.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I got confused by all the yard signs, and I think I may have voted for a realtor.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

First date idea: you bring me coffee in bed, and we snuggle all morning.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

The worst part about getting sucked up by the tornado you’re filming is to die knowing your wife was right. You are an idiot.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

I miss getting my misinformation from less places.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Just shared via Telegram:

Anyone still shut off lights when leaving a room because their parents used to say, “Don’t waste electricity!”

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

Making waves on Twitch:

I’m actually pretty attractive, if you don’t compare me to anyone, ever.

Going bananas on Discord:

Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working.

Just landed via Messenger:

Me, aged 20: This is internship summer. I will get an internship. I will find a job. I will study. I will read. I will learn piano. I will… Me, nowadays: This summer, I’m going to try all of the ice cream flavors.

Spotted on Telegram:

There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want.

Live now on Facebook:

They should invent a day where I don’t wonder why.

Breaking via TikTok:

Trying to explain that I’m fascinated by Japan for wood joinery reasons and not nerd or pervert reasons.

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