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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

I’m off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

WhatsApp calls should indicate whose internet is poor to avoid unnecessary arguments.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Daffodil totally sounds like an insult, you blooming daffodil.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

A garlic a day keeps people away.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Does anyone else stare at the dead body in movies to see if you can catch them breathing?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Me: I’m an introvert. Vodka: No, you’re not.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

It’s too bad he never woke up and chose violence. “Bob Ross, mob boss” has a nice ring to it.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

Updated

16 minutes ago

Users Online

3,442

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Do you ever restart the dryer because you don’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

Reported on TikTok:

Just looked around and realized it’s everyone’s first time living.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

Making waves on Instagram:

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

Live now on LinkedIn:

The difference between a biography and an autobiography is self-explanatory.

Spotted on WeChat:

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

Just shared via Threads:

At first, big breasts were attractive, then suddenly it was big butts. I’m waiting for it to finally be big bellies.

Spotted on Instagram:

I’m officially at the age where going out on the weekend just means I’m running errands.

Live now on Instagram:

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a bar. They didn’t planet that way.

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.
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Commentary:
"Looks like someone finally found the courage to ask the burning question 🔧🤪 Who needs a map when you've got a trusty screwdriver, right? 🔩 #AdultingAtItsFinest"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

Updated

16 minutes ago

Users Online

3,423

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Ludacris once said “If you ain’t got no money take yo’ broke ass home” and I haven’t left the house since.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

There’s just one legitimate synonym for Friday: boom shakalaka.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate at least one time.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and I’ll get rid of it.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

I don’t mean to say that I drink a lot of coffee, but Colombian farmers have a photo of me in their wallets.

Spotted on YouTube:

I love how these vegans still drink water. That’s a fish’s house!

Seen just now on Pinterest:

You want me to turn around? The thing that led to a total eclipse of the heart.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

Going viral on Snapchat:

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

Breaking via Reddit:

Actually, you’re having a conversation with yourself. I’m just here so you don’t appear totally insane.

Making waves on Telegram:

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

Live now on X:

I am like a wildflower, a quiet rebellion blooming through ruins and dust.

Making waves on Pinterest:

It was so windy today when I was walking to the gym that I got blown into the wine store.

Just landed via Discord:

How many times does one have to open the fridge door before cake appears inside?

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