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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Microdosing hell by checking the web every day.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

True bravery is getting a text from a woman with three questions in it, and only responding to one.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

High school crushes were crazy because, why the hell was I running all over school just to catch a glimpse of him.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Running feels great until you compare it to not running.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

I find pleasure in closing tabs in my wife’s brain. This worry… done. That task… complete.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Opened two gifts this morning, and they were my eyes.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,497

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?

Trending via TikTok:

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

Just shared via TikTok:

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.

Spotted on Threads:

When you accidentally laugh at your own thoughts, and now people are staring.

Trending via Threads:

Having a crush is so stupid. Like, why is this dude in my head at 8 am?

Seen just now on Pinterest:

How many sit-ups do I have to do before I get a six-pack? Please say 5.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

Breaking via Slack:

A Southerner dies every time you people type “ya’ll” instead of “y’all,” btw.

Going bananas on Messenger:

How am I supposed to relax when there are things?

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Netflix, are you spying on me or what? 🕵️‍♂️ Not even my mom keeps track of my laundry progress! 🧺 Maybe the real binge-watching challenge is not finishing a series but finishing the laundry… 🤔🧦 #LaundryDayDilemma"

asking, chores, distraction, dryer, home, humor, i, laundry, moved, needs, Netflix, procrastination, start, still, stop, watching

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Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on YouTube this month:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

44 shares on TikTok this month:

When I’m drafting a legal document, I’ll sprinkle the word “herein” all over that thing like it’s paprika.

66 shares on TikTok this month:

Women will be like “I know a spot,” and then take you directly to hell.

77 shares on Telegram this month:

Seeing a beautiful woman drink her beer is like witnessing an angel take flight.

25 shares on Slack this month:

You’re so productive for your wage.

37 shares on WeChat this month:

Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.

84 shares on YouTube this month:

I hate when people are outside when I’m trying to parallel park. I need some privacy.

96 shares on Slack this month:

If you compliment me, my glasses fog up.

26 shares on Pinterest this month:

Microsoft: Before you sign in, we need to send you a code. Also, Microsoft: OMG, was that you that requested a code? Also, Microsoft: OMG, someone just signed in to your account.

62 shares on X this month:

No one told me middle age would be so fuzzy, and if you are wondering whether I mean my eyesight or my facial hair, yes.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Back to work at last! I couldn’t sleep for sheer anticipation.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Acting jealous while secretly cheating is a pure talent of witchcraft.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The neighbor sneezes loudly from the balcony. And because I’m a polite person, I shout loudly: Disgusting!

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The algorithm knows about that thing you like that you’re denying yourself of.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine hating me while I’m just over here being lazy and minding my own business.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,318

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

I saw God in a dream and all he did was brag about making Pedro Pascal.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Everything is 10 times funnier when you are supposed to be quiet.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

I’m broke — I got money, but it’s for responsibilities.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

It’s a good thing when your therapist sits down with a bucket of popcorn, right?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Sometimes I sneeze so loud and hard I think I’m a dad.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

If dogs ever learn to talk, I want everyone to keep in mind that mine is a big fat liar.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

Most men don’t actually want to do things; they just want to talk about doing them.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Not to brag, but I can put my socks on without sitting down.

Just landed via Reddit:

Single in the womb, single till the tomb!

Spotted on YouTube:

I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

Spotted on Facebook:

Nice thing about dating a doctor is if you wanna stop seeing them, you can just eat an apple.

Live now on Twitch:

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

Making waves on Snapchat:

If only vehicles could be equipped with little blinky lights on the corners to alert other drivers the direction they wished to turn.

Just landed via Twitch:

Gonna eat birthday cake all day because it’s someone’s birthday out there, and we’re about to celebrate together, stranger.

Spotted on YouTube:

Frankly, I have too many situations and not enough monitors.

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