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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

My big 3? Yapping, napping & snacking!

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Peloton guy yelling “two more, one more” but it’s me eating Cheetos.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

I can melt an ice cube just by staring at it. It takes a while, but I can do it.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Got a scam email full of mistakes like they’re not even trying. It won’t be long before AI takes their jobs.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Why would I work from home when I don’t even work from work?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Rule number 1 at a concert: Don’t sing while filming!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2381 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,543

Funny Quotes Topics

15,226

Funny Quotes Images

12,543

2 hours ago

3,452

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

“Stop bouncing your leg!” It’s either this or I start screaming.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

Just shared via YouTube:

Pomegranates are worth the mess.

Going viral on YouTube:

Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?

Just landed via Pinterest:

Maturity is when you realize money can actually buy happiness.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

Making waves on Telegram:

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!

Trending via Pinterest:

If only guys would moan in bed like they do in the gym…

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

Spotted on YouTube:

Dating for love isn’t working. Now I’m dating to conduct psychological experiments and collect data.

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

4 months ago

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, it seems like someone is taking charge and embracing their role as the chief executive officer of bad decisions today! It takes initiative to ensure that those regrettable choices are made promptly and efficiently. Just remember to review your decision-making performance during the next quarterly self-reflection meeting!

bad, bad decision, decision, excuse, humor, me, procrastination, self-deprecation, today

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2381 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,543

Funny Quotes Topics

15,226

Funny Quotes Images

12,543

2 hours ago

3,460

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

I’d pretend to care about football for you.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

You’re either really good at wrapping presents or you’re really beautiful and funny. It’s one or the other.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Nighty night! Don’t let the horror of existence bite.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Let’s skip the getting-to-know-you phase. Just block me.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

I’m optimistic, in a pessimistic way.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more of a good-enoughist.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Everyone is awful in their own special way.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Twitter is a prime example why most of us shouldn’t be left unsupervised.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

Spotted on Facebook:

I wanted to sleep it off, but insomnia said, “Not tonight, buddy.”

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I’ve shouted so much sporting advice from my sofa already this summer. It’s very tiring but hopefully it’s helping.

Trending via WeChat:

Not leaving the house and not having contact with other people. The punishments of my childhood are now my hobbies.

Going viral on YouTube:

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

Trending via Discord:

My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

Just shared via Discord:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Trending via Messenger:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Flirting back when you’re bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Accordion to current studies, 90% of you did not realize that this sentence started with a musical instrument.

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