Oh, you’re in a situationship? Which one are you, the liar or the loser?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

One of the most amazing things in nature is that the basketball hoop is the perfect size to fit a basketball through.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I was going to learn to play the violin, but it was too much of a commitment. I wanted something with no strings attached.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Every time I get the urge to clean, I watch Hoarders and I decide my house isn’t that dirty after all.

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I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather, but mostly because of the running.

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Unless I ask, I genuinely don’t care to hear other people’s opinions on my life. It’s almost a pet peeve, really.

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Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

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Giving every single movie I watch a five star review because it’s just such a joy to be alive.

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I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

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When I was a child, my social network was called ‘outside’.

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Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.