Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.

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Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

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Eating spaghetti to forgetti my regretti.

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Mama didn’t raise no fool, I turned into one all on my own.

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I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.

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Started from the bottom, now we a little bit above the bottom.

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If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

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Gravestone inscription: “Hey guys, I’m going to be taking a little break from social media”

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If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?