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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Everybody in the grocery store is my enemy, and I will not be elaborating.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Dude so boring, it’s like his personality swiped left on him.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Enjoy it now because you’re only going to get older and fatter.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,465

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

Spotted on Threads:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have to second guess your age as you can’t believe you’re that old.

Just shared via Threads:

Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.

Making waves on Discord:

In a room full of art, I’d still stare at you.

Just landed via Discord:

I’m sorry I mistook all our laughs, long nights, sweet texts, and inside jokes as you caring. I’ll think twice before wasting my time again.

Making waves on Facebook:

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

Spotted on Facebook:

Every time I leave the house, I’m reminded why sweatpants exist.

Trending via Telegram:

I am woman, hear me roar but also meow because I am sensitive.

Shared recently on X:

Adult life sucks. Friends don’t even ask to see how fast you can run in your new shoes anymore.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Traded my Fitbit in for a Sitbit.

Paycheck hit. I’m at Michaels Arts & Crafts supply store telling them to bring out Michael.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's ready to splurge at Michaels! 💸🎨 Don't worry, Michael better be ready to work overtime today! 🛠️😂"

arts, Arts & Crafts, bring, crafts, creativity, hit, humor, michael, Michaels, paycheck, pizza, shopping, spending, store, supply

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Whoever said “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

0

2 months ago

bedroom, creep, disappear, fear, humor, mind, sight, spider
Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.

0

5 days ago

Alexa, assistant, forgetfulness, humor, i, me, memory, remind, reminder, room, smart, smart assistant, why
I’ll make direct eye contact while eating a hot dog, just to make you feel weird.

0

5 months ago

awkward, contact, direct, dog, eating, eye, eye contact, feel, hot, hot dog, humor, interaction, just, social, social interaction, weird, while
You’re a “haha” girl, and I’m an “lol” guy. It just wouldn’t work.

0

2 months ago

communication, compatibility, girl, guy, humor, joke, just, laughter, lol, relationship, work
The most important thing I learned in life, and I can’t stress enough, it doesn’t matter where you went to college. The only thing that matters is that you’re really hot.

0

2 months ago

appearance, college, dating, hot, humor, i, importance, important, lesson, life, life lesson, matter, matters, priorities, self-esteem, stress, thing, where
I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

0

2 months ago

built, discovery, history, humor, i, internet, invention, irony, pyramids

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I can keep my mouth shut, but you can read the subtitles on my face.

91 shares on X this month:

Be the reason someone smiles today. Or blocks you. Whatever.

23 shares on TikTok this month:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works.

90 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.

67 shares on TikTok this month:

Is the elephant in the room with us right now?

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I am brilliantly social for one and a half hours, and then I need to recover in my bedroom cave for two days.

53 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

31 shares on Instagram this month:

The hardest thing about chess is the other guy is always doing some shit.

91 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

21 shares on Slack this month:

Unfortunately, I do love being the only person who knows exactly what I mean and the hidden meaning behind everything I do.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

There’s really nothing as pathetic as watching a sad little man argue with Grok in hopes of manipulating the conversation to get an answer he wants.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

People never run off to join the circus anymore.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

The final level of being smart is just pretending you don’t know anything to make your life easier.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

“I’m currently not accepting new items on my to-do list.”

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

At this point, I’m rooting for the aliens.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

Shared recently on X:

Note to self: just because it’s in the map app’s directions, doesn’t mean the road is paved.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please put some money in its pocket.

Trending via Facebook:

I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

Trending via Pinterest:

Not now darling, mummy’s influencing on the www.

Going viral on Telegram:

Just say, “My future husband would never do that,” and move on.

Going viral on TikTok:

Short men store so much anger in their little body.

Making waves on Reddit:

My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Paycheck hit. I’m at Michaels Arts & Crafts supply store telling them to bring out Michael.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Whoever said “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.

I’ll make direct eye contact while eating a hot dog, just to make you feel weird.

You’re a “haha” girl, and I’m an “lol” guy. It just wouldn’t work.

The most important thing I learned in life, and I can’t stress enough, it doesn’t matter where you went to college. The only thing that matters is that you’re really hot.

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨