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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

If the USA is so great, why did someone make the USB?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

The most dangerous part of your 50s is those first few steps after prolonged sitting.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

They should invent a brain that doesn’t whisper bad things to you.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Don’t ever let your computer feel that you’re in a hurry, cause they’re gonna slow down more.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Everyone says “Do what makes you happy”, until you push them down the stairs.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,372

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

I’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it so badly that it’s not even funny anymore.

Shared recently on X:

When you are in your 20s, there is going to be an urge to binge The Sopranos. it is very important that you press play.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue.

Going bananas on Instagram:

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

Seen just now on TikTok:

Work meetings would be a lot more fun if they took place in a giant IKEA ball pit.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Alexa, take responsibility for my actions.

Just shared via Messenger:

Grok, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

Just shared via Messenger:

Santa keeps a pair of mounted antlers over his fireplace to keep the reindeer from unionizing.

People who play golf don’t concern me nearly as much as the people who watch it.

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People who play golf don’t concern me nearly as much as the people who watch it.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Watching golf is like the stealthy art of applauding while trying not to wake up your nap buddy 😴🏌️‍♂️⛳️ #GolfEnthusiastsVsSpectators"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Messenger this month:

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you’re not getting spoiled, then spoil yourself.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

Should be able to shazam the inner yearnings of my heart.

54 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

13 shares on Pinterest this month:

He who laughs last didn’t get it.

84 shares on Reddit this month:

A simple “hi” can be the beginning of two years of therapy.

46 shares on TikTok this month:

Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

75 shares on Slack this month:

Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s not ‘drinking alone’ if you’re at work.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Practicing how I’m gonna explain to the aliens that baseline and Vaseline do not sound the same.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If you see me out running, you should run too, because something is definitely chasing me.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t need Halloween. I have strange characters around me all year round.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Is anyone else really scared for how stupid and illiterate the next generations are gonna be?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s something fundamentally wrong with the way people interact with each other on LinkedIn.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,331

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Girls ask for help to open a jar, but can throw a couch during an argument.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Imagine being a dinosaur. No work or bills. No drama. Just extinct.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

We should put a tariff on being mean to me.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

In banana years, I am bread.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Nobody gets angrier than a man being accused of something he actually did.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

If you have ever spent an hour on Twitter then you understand why there’s such an urgency to create Artificial Intelligence.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

Breaking via YouTube:

You can tell it’s desperate times the way spam messages have gone from fantasies like ‘I am a prince and I want to give you money’ to ‘I am an HR manager and I have a real job for you!’

Spotted on Threads:

Skin coloured leggings should be illegal.

Freshly posted on X:

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

Seen just now on Discord:

Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

Spotted on Messenger:

If I’m ever in a coma, please put chapstick on my lips.

Breaking via Reddit:

For my final act of love, I will never contact you again, but think of you always.

Shared recently on X:

Wow, another wooden ball. Would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there?

Trending via Slack:

I’m always a little mean to men because, if you treat them like humans, they think you wanna sleep with them.

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