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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Sometimes I think about starting a podcast and then I remember all I do during conversations is nod.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

If I had a bf, I’d be a gf.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

It’s funny how when you’re at work, “Go to hell” comes out as “No problem.”

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

My teen would like you to know I ruined her life when I did her laundry today.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Worst part of a corporate job is no tips. Someone should slip you a $20 if you write a killer email.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

“Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. “Lemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed ice”.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,375

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

Live now on Instagram:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

Going bananas on Twitch:

When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

Seen just now on Slack:

In your 20s, there will be an evil narcissist demon disguised as the man of your dreams. It’s important that you run from that loser before he steals your light.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Requesting the Pink Panther theme song at karaoke and just standing on the stage motionless the entire time.

Just shared via Slack:

Just found out that rock bottom has a basement.

Making waves on YouTube:

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Don’t ask me why, but the older you get, the more you love coffee.

Spotted on X:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

4 weeks ago

Witty quote about being an unexpected inspiration for birth control, humorous and cheeky.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Whenever I walk into a room, the urge to use birth control suddenly skyrockets! 🚫👶😆"

advice, birth, birth control, control, humor, i, inspiration, parenting, relationship

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Discord this month:

I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.

57 shares on Facebook this month:

For whom the Fetty Waps.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

Whoever came up with the name wallpaper really nailed it.

68 shares on X this month:

Sorry I’m late. My catapult malfunctioned.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

33 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m 6 donuts away from being the elephant in the room.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

The older I get, the more I lose my looks. But I’m also losing my eyesight, so it’s not my problem.

72 shares on Slack this month:

Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.

96 shares on Discord this month:

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

87 shares on Facebook this month:

To all of you who have never tried blindfold archery: You don’t know what you’re missing!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Sarah Connor would be awfully disappointed in us all, letting this Grok into our lives.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

This meeting could have been an unread email.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

If you turn your phone upside down, the stock market is actually doing quite well.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

I will trust someone on Reddit from 11 years ago with my life before using ChatGPT for anything.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Photos are cool because they are like now but for later.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Sorry I missed your call. I saw that you were calling and immediately threw my phone into an active volcano.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

Live now on Threads:

Dear Apple, at no point will I ever text someone “he’ll yeah” ..

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

Seen just now on Instagram:

In search of someone who loves me as much as I love my snooze button.

Live now on X:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

Trending via YouTube:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Spotted on WeChat:

I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

Going viral on Telegram:

I’m not just a pretty face, I’m also a massive disappointment to my family.

Going viral on Messenger:

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

There is a reason I’m single and it’s called my face.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

I always wait 3 minutes after each post for the applause to die down.

It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.

Telling my guitar to “stay tuned”.

Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I always wait 3 minutes after each post for the applause to die down.

Not being able to see Likes on posts is a tragedy. Love it when two people are arguing and you can see all their little backup dancers.

It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.

Telling my guitar to “stay tuned”.

Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨