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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

A toddler in their “why” phase makes you realize how little you know.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Do people who love escape rooms not know about IKEA?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Feminism convinced women they could have it all. Now they’re 40, independent, and crying in a very nice but empty apartment.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

People who say “teamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

When something Asian becomes popular enough, it becomes Mexican.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me?

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

How does a government that takes 40% of everyone’s money end up being trillions in debt?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

400 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,669

Funny Quotes Topics

17,703

Funny Quotes Images

15,669

Jan 12, 2026

3,294

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

If I was Snow White, you wouldn’t get me with an apple. You’d have to poison a taco or something.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I’d enjoy summer a lot more if someone came by hourly and misted me like produce.

Making waves on Snapchat:

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

Making waves on WeChat:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

Trending via Slack:

“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

Trending via Discord:

Start each day with a positive thought, like: “I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours.”

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

Spotted on TikTok:

Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.

Live now on TikTok:

I’m officially at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to go anywhere after work.

Going viral on Reddit:

I can’t blame this generation too much for doing stupid stuff. My generation thought seven Police Academy movies were a good idea.

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

2 months ago

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Whenever I walk into a room, the urge to use birth control suddenly skyrockets! 🚫👶😆"

advice, birth, birth control, control, humor, i, inspiration, parenting, relationship

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you can’t tell which family member is coming up the stairs by the speed and weight of their footsteps, are you even family?

2 months ago

coming, even, family, footsteps, humor, member, relationship, speed, stairs, tell, weight
“You’re at the age where both 1990 and 2003 are flirting with you.”

6 months ago

1990, 2003, age, both, flirting, humor, nostalgia, where, year
Note to self: just because it’s in the map app’s directions, doesn’t mean the road is paved.

2 months ago

advice, apps, directions, humor, just, map, mean, note, paved, road, self, travel
You know you’re getting old when you’re entering your birth year online and you need to spin that thing like you’re on wheel of fortune.

2 months ago

age, birth, birth year, fortune, getting, humor, know, need, old, online, reality, spin, thing, wheel, wheel of fortune, year
Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

2 months ago

bill, context, cow, Duolingo, egg, going, holiday, i, language, learning, phrases, place, setting, should, soon, travel
9-5 is really 10-2 if you’re working remote.

2 months ago

9-5, flexible, flexible schedule, home, home office, hours, humor, office, productivity, remote, remote work, schedule, work, work hours, working

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Pinterest this month:

I just agree with people so that they stop talking.

13 shares on Slack this month:

People in their 20s be like, “This is my emotional support master’s degree.”

41 shares on Threads this month:

Uber sends notifications like “Hey, want to take an Uber right now?” No thanks, buddy. It’s more for when I need to go somewhere.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Life is short. Make sure you spend as much time as possible on the web arguing with strangers.

72 shares on WeChat this month:

Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.

40 shares on Reddit this month:

Instead of writing letters, let’s wait a week before texting each other back so it still feels like it.

54 shares on Twitch this month:

“I’m too pretty for this” is a very valid excuse, actually.

36 shares on Messenger this month:

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

35 shares on Threads this month:

“I’m not concerned about Netflix buying Warner Brothers. None of this will matter once we evolve gills and start living underwater.”

39 shares on X this month:

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m done with self-care. Time to learn some spells.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I like you so much, I’d actually learn your phone number.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My spirit animal is that one bird that knocks itself unconscious, flying into windows.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My therapist is so lucky. I’m like a Netflix Original that pays her to watch.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The answer is always no, I did not get enough sleep.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

When you say “You’re going to hate me for this,” you’re making a very large assumption that I don’t hate you already.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

400 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,669

Funny Quotes Topics

17,703

Funny Quotes Images

15,669

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,451

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. I’m as confused here as you are. We’re both learning what I’m about to say at the exact same time.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I never wanted to download the Microsoft Authenticator app on my personal phone to access every professional platform necessary to do my job.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Quitting my job to focus on being in love.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

You used to calm me on my cell phone!

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

No, sorry, next week won’t work. I’ll be a shadow of what I once was.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

At what age do I delete Snapchat?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Sometimes you have to sit back and imagine what life could be if it wasn’t a horrifying nightmare.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

Trending via Messenger:

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Funny that the Three Wise Men brought probably the three worst presents for a newborn baby.

Shared recently on X:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Nothing says, “I love you,” like an echo chamber.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Saw a shooting star and made a wish for everyone to stop talking to me.

Spotted on Discord:

I’m at an age where, when I’m tying my shoes, I think about what else I can do while I’m down here.

Seen just now on Facebook:

This is the dumbest apocalypse ever.

Going bananas on Slack:

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

Just shared via Threads:

I would go out more if there weren’t any humans out there.

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