Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

I’ve decided that I need to eat more vegetables, so I’m gonna make a carrot cake later.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

I miss when we didn’t know what celebrities thought about anything.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

“So if I had kids, my kids would never…” Spoiler: Yes, they would.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I never forget to eat, but I do eat to forget.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

I need a button in Zoom meetings where it just freezes my screen and makes it look like I’m having network issues.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

I enjoy long, romantic walks … to the departure gate.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

They should release the Epstein list right before the Oscars.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,887

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

If you’re tired of “food” and want to try something a bit more sophisticated, may I recommend “cuisine”?

Going bananas on Twitch:

Welcome to your 50s, your joints are now meteorologists.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I never used to worry about death but now I’m terrified it will break my winning Wordle streak.

Trending via Instagram:

Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’

Going viral on Pinterest:

The human brain is amazing. It functions 24/7 from the day we’re born and only stops when you’re taking a test or speaking to someone attractive.

Just landed via Facebook:

I think you’re like the cat’s meow, annoying yet sweet.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Fishing for compliments like “I’m a mess in this photo that I took all morning to get the right angle and filter and after 50 selfies this is me”.

Seen just now on Twitch:

The only thing that has grown faster than rents in recent years is the overtime we have to work to pay them.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Jobs are so clingy. Why do you need to see me 40 hours a week?

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Whenever I walk into a room, the urge to use birth control suddenly skyrockets! 🚫👶😆"

advice, birth, birth control, control, humor, i, inspiration, parenting, relationship

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

0

1 month ago

attenborough, david, David Attenborough, documentary, humor, life, narrating, observation, sleeping, still
House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

0

2 months ago

diary, discovery, friends, funny moment, house, house sitting, item, moment, never, personal, personal item, sitting, surprise, town, unexpected, unexpected discovery
Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

0

1 month ago

die, humor, irony, joke, life, man, marriage, money, old, old man, relationship, wealth
“Nobody wants to work anymore!” Personally, I have never wanted to work.

0

2 months ago

attitude, humor, i, job, laziness, motivation, never, nobody, wanted, wants, work
I miss when my hardest decision was Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network.

0

4 months ago

cartoon, Cartoon Network, childhood, decision, entertainment, hardest, i, miss, network, Nickelodeon, nostalgia, TV
I hope we get the nice AI that enslaves us and makes us their pets and not the bad AI that enslaves us to mine lithium or something.

0

2 months ago

AI, bad, hope, i, mine, nice, pets, something

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

Put my height in bio. Hope it lands me a girlfriend.

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

Whoever came up with a 30 minute lunch break needs a 30 minute beating.

79 shares on Twitch this month:

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

Inflation is actually a good thing, it means money is going viral.

57 shares on Instagram this month:

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

Facebook should just go back to being Hot or Not dot com.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

People watching you so close, you’d think you were a Netflix series.

86 shares on TikTok this month:

Old Spice doesn’t sound like something you wanna smell.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

29 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you’re going to walk in my shoes, please also wear my FitBit.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

My toxic trait is optimism.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I didn’t go to the Carribean, my tan is from standing in front of the rotisserie chicken at Costco.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

No show does a misunderstanding / miscommunication plot better than Modern Family does.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Should be able to shazam the inner yearnings of my heart.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

I’m not deleting my Twitter, I was here before Elon.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Love how Batman: The Animated Series seems to take place in the 40s and the 50s and the 70s and the 90s all at once.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Why can’t opportunity just come back later?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I only attract psychopaths. If you’ve ever had a crush on me, find a therapist.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Telegram:

I took a test to see if I have multiple personalities. I scored 100%, 92% and 88%.

Going bananas on Twitch:

We’d never met, or even spoken, but I could tell just from gazing into her pale blue eyes I had stepped on her toe.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Babe, are you OK? It’s already Q4, and you’ve barely touched your “2025 roadmap.”

Going viral on Instagram:

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

Freshly posted on WeChat:

“The engine light is on!” Yeah, that means it’s working.

Going viral on Telegram:

Spoiler alert: Monday doesn’t care about your feelings.

Just landed via Snapchat:

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

Just shared via Facebook:

If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.

Trending via Telegram:

What is it called when you’re smart but everything you do is freaking stupid?

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

“Nobody wants to work anymore!” Personally, I have never wanted to work.

I miss when my hardest decision was Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network.

I hope we get the nice AI that enslaves us and makes us their pets and not the bad AI that enslaves us to mine lithium or something.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨