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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡ͺ has copied:

The lion doesn’t concern itself with the contents of your prior email.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ί has shared:

Three drinks in and that skateboard outside is looking rideable.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ί has downloaded:

She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡¨ has viewed:

Summer is the time when it’s too hot to do what it was too cold to do in winter.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ί has viewed:

My laptop is overheating because I am doing a really good job.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¦ has shared:

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡± has downloaded:

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡§ has shared:

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡¬ has shared:

Does anyone know what to do, like in general?

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,753

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Seen just now on TikTok:

If you can’t handle me while I’m broke, then you don’t deserve me when I have $600.

Making waves on WeChat:

Driving is great because it combines my love of sitting with my love of being mad.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Everybody in the world, stop fighting or no dessert.

Breaking via X:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Live now on Reddit:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I liked you too much.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Gonna waterboard my houseplants so they know who’s the boss.

Trending via X:

I don’t flirt. I just say weird things and hope you interpret them romantically.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Bands are always like β€œhere’s another song”. Yeah, no shit, that’s pretty much all you do.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

Live now on YouTube:

You know you’re getting old when you get mad at some random car parked outside your house.

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

Humorous text about hiding a dead body in a new browser tab for reading later.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the perfect crime – burying a dead body among the endless sea of unread articles and forgotten tabs! πŸ‘€πŸ’» Just make sure you don't accidentally close that tab when you're deep into the article… πŸš«πŸ” #TechSavvyMurderMystery"

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Threads this month:

Less talkie. More kissie.

26 shares on YouTube this month:

Do I work hard? No. But do I work smart to compensate. Absolutely not.

32 shares on Telegram this month:

What kind of psychopath wants to be the life of the party?

80 shares on Telegram this month:

If you give me a serious answer to a silly question, I’m giving you a wedgie.

96 shares on Slack this month:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

47 shares on WeChat this month:

Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

I wish tree puns were more poplar.

44 shares on Reddit this month:

You’re the human embodiment of an “ugh.”

91 shares on Telegram this month:

Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

63 shares on Slack this month:

Keep moving, lady, I don’t have room for you in my delusions right now.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You are not obligated to post a video of yourself dancing.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If you call me β€œdaddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

“Dairy Queen” is actually the perfect drag name.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

All of my fitness goals are within reach, but unfortunately, so are the crisps.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Of course, being a child is terrible. They don’t give you any money, and then make you watch commercials the whole time.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I wonder if babies know that we are more terrified of them than they are of us.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,342

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ό has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 50’s. Your doctor and pharmacist are both in your contacts now.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡³ has downloaded:

Her heart is an abandoned garden filled with ghosts and dying flowers.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡¦ has viewed:

Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ώ has copied:

I love befriending yappers. They bring the yapping out of me. Then we yap together. Yapping is so much fun.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡³ has downloaded:

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ή has viewed:

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Ύ has copied:

I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¨ has copied:

I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡³ has copied:

Establish dominance by dropping your panties first.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Έ has downloaded:

Now I understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going bananas on Instagram:

I would like you to meet my significant other. Her name is Cheese.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

Live now on Pinterest:

My life changed when I learned some house spiders can’t survive outside, so now I just catch them and release them in a friend’s home.

Breaking via Discord:

Every day we get closer and closer to Idiocracy coming true.

Spotted on Reddit:

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

Trending via Slack:

They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

Making waves on Facebook:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Going viral on X:

Being an adult is realizing $1000 is little money to have, but a lot to owe.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

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