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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Sports are better when you have hate in your heart.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Ratatouille is hilarious because the villain wasn’t even evil; he just didn’t want food cooked by rats?!?

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Any day now, there will be a child born and named Labubu.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Text her when the moon looks pretty.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

When someone says they’re never going to talk to me again, I do the right thing and say thank you.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,639

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

She was rare. Like a meth head with good teeth.

Just landed via TikTok:

I used to think “9 to 5” means a job from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Going viral on Telegram:

My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

Making waves on Pinterest:

When you get angry, take a breath and count to ten. Throw a punch at eight. Nobody expects that.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Facebook: because time isn’t going to pass on it’s own.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

Making waves on X:

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

Broadcasted on Slack:

I can’t wait to see my older sister so she can point out I have more gray hair than she does.

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

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Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the perfect crime – burying a dead body among the endless sea of unread articles and forgotten tabs! 👀💻 Just make sure you don't accidentally close that tab when you're deep into the article… 🚫🔍 #TechSavvyMurderMystery"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on Messenger this month:

A relationship is like a shark, it looks better on TV.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

Someone at work just farted and I panicked and said ‘compliments to the chef’.

75 shares on Facebook this month:

Do you think I’ll read a book again at some point or will I continue to dumb myself down with 12 hours of screen time?

100 shares on Threads this month:

To be gentle in this world is an act of rebellion.

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There are advantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it. There are disadvantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

Now hush, Lil Labubu, don’t you cry, everything’s gonna be Dubai.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

Headache pro-tip: Bang your toe into something.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

12 shares on Slack this month:

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

When I was a little kid, I used to think, “This little pig went to market,” meant it was going shopping!

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I cannot hear a word you are saying if your hoodie strings are uneven.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

So deep in her Instagram story, I accidentally liked an ad for a Toyota.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I was gonna brush up against you like a cat, but whatever, bro.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear ghosts, if you can move stuff around and flicker lights, then you can use a mop.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I would like to have the peace of mind of a cow. I already have the body.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,613

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

They should combine the running of the bulls with Tour de France next year.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Whoops, accidentally said I couldn’t make it before they even said the date.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

75% of being a divorce lawyer is just answering emails from clients saying, “No. No. No. You absolutely cannot do that, no.”

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from reading your book.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Vaping: When you feel like smoking but don’t want to look cool.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

What doesn’t kill you makes you wish it did.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Meeting Beyoncé and telling her I loved her in Goldmember and mentioning nothing about her music career, just to see if it throws her off.

Just landed via Reddit:

Don’t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Just shared via Twitch:

Instead of meeting any new people, I would much rather un-meet the ones I already know.

Just shared via Facebook:

Every room can be a room with a view when I’m in it.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I always thought that aunts had a lot of money. Until I became one myself.

Breaking via WeChat:

Sometimes you need to turn the music up louder and sort your shit out.

Live now on YouTube:

If I was Snow White, you wouldn’t get me with an apple. You’d have to poison a taco or something.

Breaking via Slack:

Relationship status: he escaped.

Just landed via Threads:

Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of our enemies.

Going viral on Discord:

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

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