Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Who knew honesty could be such a relationship cheat code? 🕵️‍♂️ No need for detective work when you're not dating a master of deception! 💔 Keep it real, folks!"

actually, dating, easy, honesty, humor, love, lying, relationship, relationships, weirdo

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes that the relationship had hit some turbulence.

0

2 months ago

breakup, clothes, fire, gasoline, hit, humor, i, pile, relationship, sarcasm, tell, turbulence
I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

0

2 months ago

2010, exhaustion, fact, hide, humor, looking, moisturizer, self-care, skincare, tired
Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, asked, awkward, awkward moment, awkward silence, conversation, conversation fail, elevator, elevator ride, fail, failures, guy, hell, hotel, hotel elevator, humor, i, just, me, moment, ride, said, silence, small, small talk, social, social anxiety, talk, today, too, us, well
My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

0

2 months ago

accidental, available, book, casual, coffee, coffee table, humor, media, new, novelty, pre-order, screenshot, screenshots, social, social media, table, tech
If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

0

2 months ago

attention, attitude, confidence, feel, giving, humor, ignoring, passion, people, personality, real, sarcasm
Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

0

2 months ago

brag, entertainment, humor, me, movie, sleep, watching

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Telegram this month:

There’s nothing scarier than sneezing with a full cup of coffee in your hand.

20 shares on Discord this month:

Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

I still can’t believe Aldi sells shopping carts for 25 cents. I’ve got 8 of them now and don’t really even have a use for them, it was just too good of a deal to pass up.

10 shares on Reddit this month:

My brain logged me out due to inactivity, and I can’t remember the password.

82 shares on Messenger this month:

Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

23 shares on Discord this month:

Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

Every time I spend my own money, I feel like somebody needs to reimburse me.

27 shares on Facebook this month:

Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

18 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When you’re a parent, your skincare routine is just the steam from the dishwasher when you open it to find the coffee cup you just needed.

70 shares on Facebook this month:

Netflix & by yourself.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

“I’m so grateful that so many things are none of my business.”

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Yeah, I work at the fart bar. Yup. I’m a fartender. Farts on me tonight!

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

No, don’t worry about him, babe. That’s just my soulmate.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I’m like “I guess this is what we’re doing now.”

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

I wish someone would light up the way Siri does when I say, “Hey.”

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

Can you check if my lips taste like cherries?

Going viral on TikTok:

Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s like 7 years in a row now.

Live now on YouTube:

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

Shared recently on WeChat:

If it’s a ghost ship, why does it have to be on water?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I love being wrong, it’s just like being right except easier and I get to be stupid, which is my favorite thing.

Just shared via Messenger:

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Wild that we could have been foraging for berries and dying off at 33, but we chose this nonsense instead.

Making waves on Twitch:

I drink all this water and for what. Just to pee? This planet is a prison.

Trending via WeChat:

Oh, lord. I brought my mouth with me to work today and it’s all sass. Prayers, please.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes that the relationship had hit some turbulence.

I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨