Roses are red. I’m going to bed.

44 shares on Instagram this month:

I already want to come home from work tomorrow.

80 shares on TikTok this month:

Can the AI bubble just pop already? Everyone hates this crap.

92 shares on Facebook this month:

The guy who drills the holes so you can assemble IKEA furniture is clearly having problems at home.

17 shares on Messenger this month:

The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.

46 shares on WeChat this month:

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

67 shares on Threads this month:

Don’t worry, you’ll find the lost scissors when you’ll be searching for your glasses.

17 shares on Messenger this month:

This weekend was so busy, I hardly had time to sit around in my pajamas and doom scroll.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

I did not “try to rob a bank,” I just “aspired” to obtain more money.

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t call them exes, I call them whys.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s time I admit something: Sometimes, when I say good night, I don’t actually go to bed right away.