Roses are red. Violets are blue. I hate the sounds you make when you chew.

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My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I’d have to do.

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Running from your problems is cardio.

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I hate it when my AirPods die instead of me.

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I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

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The medicine for headache goes to the stomach to do what, exactly?

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Commas are like garlic, you measure with your heart.

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If my coworker doesn’t stop asking questions on this Zoom meeting, I will drive across town and slap his face on the call.

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I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

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Steve Jobs was a vibe coder. He just prompted Steve Wozniak.

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It’s so rude how many of you have the audacity to be out peopling around whenever I go somewhere.