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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

My brain logged me out due to inactivity, and I can’t remember the password.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

The real threat to Democracy is the Bureaucracy.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Gutted to report that spending a day offline, touching grass with my friends, was phenomenal for my mental health.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Bored as hell. Anyone want to emotionally manipulate each other?

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

I will always be hotter than everyone who hates me.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

If a woman says “Do what you want!”, then for God’s sake don’t do what you want!

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Let’s ride this misunderstanding into the sunset.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

You sound unhinged. Let’s go get mugshots.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,579

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

Live now on Reddit:

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

Just landed via Facebook:

“You’re at the age where both 1990 and 2003 are flirting with you.”

Spotted on Pinterest:

Perhaps the best thing about getting older is that I no longer want to know everything.

Just landed via YouTube:

Unfortunately, I do enjoy watching the downfall of people who did me wrong.

Shared recently on Threads:

Alexa, play everyone that played me.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Website: We use cookies to improve our performance. Me: Same!

Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.

2 months ago

0

Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive overnight hair growth phenomenon – Nature's way of keeping us on our toes and our eyebrows on fleek! 🌱💁‍♂️ Just when you think you're safe, BAM! Bangs appear where you least expect them. It's all fun and games until you wake up looking like a Chia Pet! 😂 #BadHairDay"

explain, explanation, good, grow, growth, hair, humor, never, overnight, quarter, science, spot

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Also shame on you. Stop foolin’ me, I am pure.

0

3 months ago

am, fool, honesty, humor, i, joke, me, once, pure, purity, shame, stop, trust, twice
Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it.

0

2 months ago

caffeine, coffee, drinking, faster, hot, humor, irony, lap, morning, spill, wake
I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

0

2 months ago

age, aging, humor, i, life, old, people, perspective, reflection, sad, sadness
Oh, you like NYC? Name every rat.

0

2 months ago

challenge, city, every, funny question, humor, life, name, NYC, oh, question, rat, urban, urban life
I don’t understand the phrase “You can’t have your cake and eat it” because if I have cake, what the hell else am I supposed to do with it.

0

3 months ago

am, cake, eat, else, food, hell, humor, i, idiom, misunderstanding, phrase, understand
Some hoodies don’t hoodie the way other hoodies hoodie.

0

2 months ago

clothing, comparison, fashion, hoodie, humor, irony, observation, style

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Threads this month:

I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

87 shares on TikTok this month:

I overthink, therefore I am.

93 shares on X this month:

Facebook friends are like pens. You may have 150, but only 5 are writing.

39 shares on Telegram this month:

Proverbs are so mean. Like, I don’t deserve any worm because I woke up at 11am? Like, no worm at all?

78 shares on TikTok this month:

Nobody views your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

48 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

26 shares on X this month:

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

26 shares on Slack this month:

If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.

93 shares on X this month:

We are so shocked by “Butthead” that we ignore the strangeness of the name “Beavis”.

47 shares on TikTok this month:

She was rare. Like a meth head with good teeth.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

A diamond is forever, and so is my teen’s grudge against me for some random stuff every other day.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The person who invented bowling: “Oh, and we’ll make them wear different shoes for no reason. Clown shoes.”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m always looking for new and exciting ways to give up.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Chickens only make one sound, because they can’t think outside the bawks.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Me and my boys are broke, so we take turns taking pictures of one iced matcha.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

One thing I have noticed about getting older is having to stop for a short nap halfway through scrolling down to my year of birth when completing online forms.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,278

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

I wanna date one of those guys who really loves their girlfriend.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

My toxic trait is when I’m bored, I start looking for flights to book.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

It’s Monday, but at what cost?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Take a broken girl, fix her. And she will go back to the same guy again.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

“New recipe” is code for “less content, but worse ingredients”.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

I think it’s time we acknowledged how incredibly stupid most super wealthy people are.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of our enemies.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

Might mess around and reply “history will absolve me” to all work emails.

Seen just now on Messenger:

The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

The human brain is amazing. It functions 24/7 from the day we’re born and only stops when you’re taking a test or speaking to someone attractive.

Just shared via Messenger:

You don’t realize how incorrect and annoying YouTube video essays are until they’re about something you like.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

To be fair, a dumpster is like one of the safest places to have a fire.

Spotted on TikTok:

Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?

Going bananas on WeChat:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here trying to remember how to spell “definitely”.

Just landed via YouTube:

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

Live now on Telegram:

I’m basically a taxi today for the kids and dogs.

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