Second day without coffee. I can no longer hear out of my left eye.

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We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

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With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

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Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

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Keep scrolling, I’ve got nothing.

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The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

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Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

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Friends with benefits but the benefits are you getting me an internship with your father’s network.

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Why can’t men admit when they doze off? What’s wrong with them?

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If you can stand me, you deserve me!

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She’s a 10, but she says ‘Orwellian’ when it’s clearly ‘Kafkaesque”.