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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Reoccurring dreams be like: ‘I dunno, here’s a rerun’

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

It took me 5 minutes to do something I’ve been stressing about for 6 months. I will learn nothing from this.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

The way time stretches between the moment you put your hands under the air dryer and the realization it is in fact a paper towel dispenser.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

I become someone I don’t recognize when I play Monopoly.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

The Cranberries. Great band name. You pick a fruit and you get to work.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

A little mystery is the sweetest seduction.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,315

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

Spotted on Telegram:

Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

Making waves on Telegram:

The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

Seen just now on Instagram:

They should invent a Twitter where the timeline doesn’t refresh against your will.

Making waves on Reddit:

Your 20s are for developing attachments to people who will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Trending via Slack:

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

Shared recently on Discord:

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

Trending via YouTube:

My thighs are bigger than my chances in life.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

A good French onion soup will have you acting like a pervert.

Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

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Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.
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Commentary:
Carpe diem! 🌞 Unless today's coffee is lukewarm and the wifi is acting up. In that case, proceed straight to tomorrow! 🚀 #Priorities

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

59 shares on Telegram this month:

They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

80 shares on X this month:

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

24 shares on Instagram this month:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

99 shares on WeChat this month:

Just got my test results back and my cholesterol level is a cheese bratwurst.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

I only accept apologies in cash.

35 shares on Snapchat this month:

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

96 shares on LinkedIn this month:

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If boring was a brand, you’d be the ambassador.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

That uncontrollable urge to hurt myself and others when a film’s subtitles are slightly out of sync.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Today feels like a good day for a cheeseburger.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Stopping a complete stranger on the street and saying, “Let’s end this little charade.”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Monday holds the record for being the worst day of the week.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,453

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Great minds think alike, but so do stupid ones.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

“Winter is literally the best season.” Okay, husky, go sit outside then.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Maybe there’s an alternate universe where onions cry when they chop up humans, you don’t know.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Pugs look like regular dogs that ran into a door at full speed.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

Spotted on Facebook:

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

Trending via WeChat:

I was not made for a 9 to 5; I was made to eat pasta and lay in the sun like a lizard.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I grew up in a kinder, gentler age. We pitied our fools.

Trending via Facebook:

My greatest flaw is that I will try any specialty lemonade. 90% of them are nearly undrinkable, but I persevere.

Making waves on Messenger:

I’m at the age where I understand that paying a little extra for convenience and comfort is absolutely okay.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Everyone is gangster until they’re asked to reveal a “fun fact” about themself as part of a work event icebreaker.

Live now on WhatsApp:

In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I think we just need to accept that the 90’s was our peak as a species.

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