Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

How coked up was the guy that came up with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

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Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

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I don’t have read receipts on my phone because why would I tell on myself like that?

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I have a yearning disability.

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My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

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I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

My superpower is to make anyone I wanna make comfortable feel uncomfortable.