Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.
  • After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.
  • Jan 1st: Avocado on whole grain toast with a protein shake. Jan 20th: Syrup comes from a tree so technically it’s a vegetable.
  • How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.
  • Every morning I regret why I didn’t sleep earlier the night before.
  • Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.