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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Everyone’s gangster until they need to pee.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Customers will say shit like, “Uhh, it’s asking me to remove my card?”

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

If you have any questions or concerns please don’t. Hesitate to ask.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Please respond to the messages I almost sent you.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I miss when bills had nothing to do with me.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Do you all introverts ever open a text and think, ‘I’ll reply when I have the energy,’ and then it’s three weeks, and you have to live with the guilt of being a horrible friend.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Life is short. Tell people you love them, so they block you sooner.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Fun Fact: Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,232

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

Just shared via X:

We all need to put the phone down, or it’s over for civilization.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

Just shared via YouTube:

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

Just landed via Threads:

They should invent a job that actually wants to hire you after you apply.

Shared recently on Instagram:

You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in.

Freshly posted on X:

It’s leg day. No, not at the gym, dummy. I’m shaving them.

Making waves on Reddit:

Why do these women want to date Pete Davidson, a funny movie star, and not me, a guy who is whining?

Seen just now on Threads:

Alexa, turn off the planet.

Trending via Slack:

Life is full of questions. Idiots are full of answers.

Sex is fine, but have you ever completed every single thing on your to-do list?

2 months ago

0

Sex is fine, but have you ever completed every single thing on your to-do list?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sex is great, but have you ever experienced the sheer satisfaction of checking off every single task on your to-do list? 🤓💪 It's a productivity high like no other – who needs romance when you have completed tasks, am I right? 😂 #ProductivityOverPleasure"

completion, ever, fine, humor, list, priorities, productivity, sex, single, thing, to-do, to-do list

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you talk about astrology, and no one stops you, it means you must be incredibly pretty.

0

2 months ago

appearance, astrology, beauty, compliment, humor, interaction, means, pretty, social, social interaction, talk, talking
My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, drink, drugs, education, humor, kids, lecture, mix, mixing, parenting, proper, school, still, today, youngest
I think my dad just eradicated a small village with his sneeze.

0

2 months ago

dad, exaggeration, family, humor, i, just, small, sneeze, think, village
I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

0

2 months ago

communication, humor, i, know, let, procrastination, put, sarcasm, wit
They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

0

2 months ago

appliance, curiosity, dishwasher, humor, i, invention, kitchen, know, need, window
We literally used to write an essay by hand.

0

4 months ago

education, essay, hand, handwriting, humor, literally, memory, nostalgia, old, old school, school, used, writing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Telegram this month:

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

64 shares on Telegram this month:

The key to happiness: 1/ order a pizza. 2/ eat that pizza. 3/ repeat!

34 shares on Twitch this month:

Yeah, baby, I am an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Explain it to me like I’m 5 drinks in.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

76 shares on Facebook this month:

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

19 shares on Slack this month:

I hate when teachers put “?” on my work, like I don’t know either.

94 shares on WhatsApp this month:

At the job interview with one AirPod in.

29 shares on Threads this month:

Facing my uncle’s dreaded lightning bolt attack at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

57 shares on Snapchat this month:

This is no glow. This is the rage that boils inside me.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Arab perfumes have zero chill… the entire street knows you’ve arrived.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t stand people who require so much validation. Please like and share this if you agree.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The most embarrassing thing in the world is when you make a fool of yourself in front of a baby and it doesn’t laugh.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The healthy food in my fridge should be grateful really. It survives much longer than everything else.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I have my own hand stamper at home so my coworkers will think I went someplace fun the night before.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,604

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I clean my room so dramatically, it feels like I’m erasing evidence.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

I can’t believe someone ran over my neighbors loud motorcycle tomorrow morning.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Waiting patiently for the alien invasion.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

I appreciate the people that interact with me and I really appreciate the ones that don’t.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Your annoying online persona has captured my heart.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

I would really like to meet this “other candidate” who keeps taking all the jobs I’ve been applying to.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Texas Chain Saw Massacre is full of plot holes. What happens to the victims when they die? Is there an afterlife?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

Shared recently on X:

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Bird flu? Yeah, they’re known to do that.

Shared recently on Threads:

Snaccident: eating a whole bag of Doritos in one sitting.

Spotted on X:

Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

Going viral on Snapchat:

(guy who’s not even that into you) I love you.

Breaking via Reddit:

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

Going bananas on Twitch:

Selling porn is gross, but selling food and small household items is grocer.

Just shared via Telegram:

Beginning of August is always wild because it’s peak summertime, but the veil is so thin, like it’s Halloween.

Making waves on Slack:

Seeing a beautiful woman drink her beer is like witnessing an angel take flight.

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