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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Missionary, so we can discuss how 15 min can save us 15% or more on car insurance.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Pretty sure I need to go back to bed and sleep for 3 days.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Commenting “what about us?” on all Valentine pics this year.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

I changed my password to ‘incorrect’ so whenever I forget it, the computer tells me it’s incorrect, and I’m like, ‘Wow, you didn’t have to be so rude about it.’

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

My favorite pastime is looking for meaning where there is none.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

The actors who signed on to that first Avatar movie have job security like no other in Hollywood.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Speaker phone in public should be illegal.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Another day waiting, and wishing, and wanting.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

This whole “having a job” thing is really getting in the way of me having my best life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

297 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,566

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,566

Jan 11, 2026

3,699

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I find it sad that my universal remote does not control the universe. Not even remotely.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

Just landed via Telegram:

I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

Going viral on Discord:

Summer is the time when it’s too hot to do what it was too cold to do in winter.

Making waves on X:

My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

Making waves on Threads:

Who are these people that buy unsalted butter on purpose?

Freshly posted on Threads:

I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.

Spotted on YouTube:

I was having a great time until I remembered that I was ugly.

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

2 months ago

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Cheers to the silent daters, gracefully keeping it low-key on social media like undercover love agents! 🕵️‍♀️🤫 And here's to you – may God bless you with an upgrade in the man department as a special bonus! 🎁😉 #StealthModeDating"

bonus, dating, God, humor, lady, making, man, media, noise, relationship, silence, social, social media

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Cooking your own meals really is the best way to devote 50 hours of your life every month to save $50.

2 months ago

50, best, budget, cooking, every, food, hours, humor, irony, life, meal, meals, money, month, own, save, saving, time
I’m never early… unless we’re talking about the airport.

4 months ago

airport, early, humor, never, punctuality, talking, timing, travel
You should be able to google why a couple broke up.

2 months ago

advice, breakup, broke, couple, Google, humor, relationship, should
Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

2 months ago

activity, cat, cause, death, draw, drawing, eyebrows, funny activity, humor, neighbor, neighbors, trying
They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

2 months ago

attire, costume, dress, expectation, home, humor, inappropriate, job, say, send, should, stormtrooper, suit, want, work, workplace
If I was polyamorous, I think Id date my girlfriend three times.

2 months ago

date, girlfriend, humor, i, ID, love, polyamorous, relationship, think, three, times

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on Reddit this month:

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

If anyone wants a more cost effective energy provider, I can supply endless energy on tap from my absolutely not tired child at bedtime.

81 shares on WeChat this month:

Old people understand Roman numerals. I for one.

10 shares on Instagram this month:

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

32 shares on Slack this month:

You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

47 shares on X this month:

Forgetting how to clean the dishes and shooting them with a gun.

36 shares on Reddit this month:

Being late to work should never be that serious. At least I came?

30 shares on Threads this month:

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

39 shares on Telegram this month:

I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

39 shares on Telegram this month:

“Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If you feel depressed, go for a run. You will soon find out your physical health is far worse than your mental health.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Despite all my rage, I still keep refreshing the page.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Your 20s should be spent nervously sitting on the edge of the bed with rigid posture.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Unpopular opinion: Landlords should not be able to increase rent unless they’re upgrading the apartment.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t I explore the dentist’s mouth too?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

297 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,566

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,566

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,413

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

I’m “I can’t sit like that for too long” years old.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Scams used to be like “free money!” and now they’re like “hello, we have a job for you”, which seems to be a bad sign.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

The worst part of getting struck by lightning is everyone seeing your skeleton.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

It’s hard to sleep knowing that Coke is in the fridge.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Adulting is realizing Monday is a better ‘off day’ than Friday.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

I don’t get how alcohol turns y’all evil. I just start giggling and get slutty.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

I’ve decided that I’m going to underthink today.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The websites that let me check out as a guest are the real heroes.

Making waves on Slack:

The length of a LinkedIn Post is directly proportional to the amount of bullshit in it.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Thank you for the opportunity but I don’t think being human is a good fit for me. I’m going to go back to school to become an octopus.

Breaking via TikTok:

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a few minutes.

Just landed via Slack:

The difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body is that I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Freshly posted on Slack:

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

Going viral on Threads:

You did all that terrible driving just to end up right next to me at the stop light.

Going bananas on Discord:

Dear brain, please finally learn the difference between hunger and boredom. I’m getting fat.

Spotted on X:

Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.

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