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My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

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Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

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โ€œPTOโ€ stands for โ€œprepare the othersโ€ because you’re not gonna be there.

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Iโ€™m sorry if I seem weird, itโ€™s because I am.

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Good morning to everyone except the baristas who donโ€™t tighten the lid.

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The problem with dating apps is I donโ€™t wanna date someone that would use a dating app.

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All mushrooms are edible. Some only once.

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My bank account is also in retrograde.

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You gotta ask people nowadays, are you single single, mad at your partner single, blocked single or single just in your head.

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I think youโ€™re like the catโ€™s meow, annoying yet sweet.

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Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

Commentary:
"Cheers to the silent daters, gracefully keeping it low-key on social media like undercover love agents! ๐Ÿ•ต๏ธโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿคซ And here's to you – may God bless you with an upgrade in the man department as a special bonus! ๐ŸŽ๐Ÿ˜‰ #StealthModeDating"



Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.

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Hansel and Gretel werenโ€™t wrong, every bad decision Iโ€™ve ever made started with being hungry.

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Life update: it’s getting worse.

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I’m not drunk enough for this Teams meeting.

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No one is shocked when a defibrillator doesnโ€™t work.

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Betrayal only comes from someone weโ€™re close to. Just like herpes.

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I want the job where I push scared skydivers out of planes.

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Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say โ€œrepairs damageโ€. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

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They should invent crushes that like you back.

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Remember itโ€™s Christmas. You need to check your elf before you wreck your shelf.