Trendy Funny Quotes

  • The second cup of coffee does for me what a can of spinach does for Popeye.
  • Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.
  • I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean, if you want an autograph or a picture just ask.
  • If I could be in two places at once, I’d be in bed twice.
  • “I’ll worry about it next time.” Me pissing off future me.
  • Never trust a wet fart.