Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Who needs solutions when you have a solid lineup of excuses ready to go? 🤷‍♂️ Maybe next time we should schedule a brainstorming session for more creative excuses instead! 😂 #ExcuseGuru"

comedy, excuses, humor, irony, rude, self-deprecation, solutions

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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55 shares on Pinterest this month:

Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, and if that doesn’t accurately describe my life, I don’t know what does.

11 shares on Discord this month:

Me: “I should treat myself to something.” My bank account: “Dream on.”

38 shares on Slack this month:

Beer is Narcan for when you overdose on Microsoft Teams.

56 shares on WeChat this month:

Life so stupid, I just want a burger and to be held.

29 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Interpretive dance is the best way to answer stupid questions.

60 shares on X this month:

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

83 shares on Discord this month:

You can recognize working-class kids by the fact that they hang their jacket over the chair in the restaurant and not on the coat hook.

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

Everyone loves a little silent treatment on the weekend.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

I had a healthy appendix removed, just to show the other organs that I will not tolerate any bullshit.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

I regret to inform you that the secret to appearing well-read is to read.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Diet Coke so crisp I moaned.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

If we breakup because you “wanna focus on school,” I better see you in Harvard.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Please pray for our son, who had to unload the dishwasher when “he just did this yesterday, and he’s tired.”

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Lazy Rule: Can’t reach it, don’t need it.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Folding laundry is like packing to stay home.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Drive like no one is watching.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

Trending via Snapchat:

I will improve my life after I doom scroll a little more. Yes.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Flirting is easy until you have to flirt with the person you like.

Trending via Slack:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

Making waves on Twitch:

I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Your coworkers are your friends; stop working and hang out.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I’d enjoy summer a lot more if someone came by hourly and misted me like produce.

Shared recently on Threads:

Someone is probably in the worst argument of their life right now. LOL!

Going viral on Twitch:

Just because I loved you at one point doesn’t mean I will always love you. I’m not Whitney Houston.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

So rude to come up with solutions to my excuses.

I’m not alone. I have ants.

I remember when the only in-flight movie choices were either you watched or you didn’t.

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.

Anyone else’s phone make a retching noise when you unlock it with Face ID?

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

So rude to come up with solutions to my excuses.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’m not alone. I have ants.

I remember when the only in-flight movie choices were either you watched or you didn’t.

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.

Anyone else’s phone make a retching noise when you unlock it with Face ID?

Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

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