WICHITA—In a heartbreaking turn of events, local romantic Kelly Swanson declared that her soulmate has likely seen her social media posts and chosen to “delete” her from destiny. “He must’ve glimpsed my weekly avocado toast series and thought, ‘I’m out,'” Swanson lamented, noting that the sudden realization has led her to rethink her avocado obsession.

Convinced that digital footprints speak louder than words, Swanson posited that her true love was simply overwhelmed by her extensive meme collection. “I thought a meme a day kept loneliness away,” Swanson mused, “but I guess he couldn’t handle the relentless joy of Minion memes.”

In an effort to reclaim what the universe deemed lost, Swanson is now attending a seminar on “Unfriending with Intention.” She’s hopeful her journey will one day be chronicled in a follow-up series: “How My Soulmate Became My Wi-Fi Password.”