“Some men go months without being hugged.” Okay, then they should just hug each other.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

I don’t see why walking is healthy. Zombies walk constantly and they look awful.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

It’s crazy that you don’t really argue with a baby for the first year of its life and then you have to argue with the baby every day.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

I’m not joining no alternate Twitter app. If this gets taken down, I’m starting a family.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

An adult is a person who makes noise when they stand up.