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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡¨ has copied:

Laundry day is my favorite day of the week. That’s why I dress for it every day.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦ has copied:

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡­ has copied:

Slowly descending into madness. Anyone want anything?

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡± has copied:

If it doesn’t get a like in the first two years, I delete it.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡² has shared:

By the time I remember to text back, it be too disrespectful to even do it.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ώ has downloaded:

Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¬ has shared:

I might not put the sparkle in your eyes, but I’ll definitely put the “WTF” wrinkles in your forehead.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡© has viewed:

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡­ has copied:

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡© has downloaded:

I don’t understand people who say “I don’t know how to thank you.” Like they never heard of money.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,275

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Trending via X:

I’m not joining no alternate Twitter app. If this gets taken down, I’m starting a family.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

Going viral on Messenger:

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

Seen just now on Reddit:

As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

Going viral on Twitch:

There are days when trying to control your class is like trying to hug a tornado.

Spotted on Facebook:

Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.

Making waves on Instagram:

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

Going bananas on Threads:

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

Spotted on Facebook:

In a relationship with my heated car seat.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

Witty quote about dieting struggles, highlighting humorous food cravings and weight gain.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the unfair world of metabolism… Some folks are out there digesting books while others merely glance at a cookbook and can feel the calories settling in. πŸ“šπŸ”πŸ“– Guess we'll just have to rely on our charm and wit to compensate for those extra pounds! πŸ’β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜‚"

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Twitch this month:

Shout out to all the experts on the web who know everything there is to know about absolutely everything.

89 shares on X this month:

Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

80 shares on X this month:

It’s important to post stupid stuff so you can learn who likes you.

39 shares on TikTok this month:

An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?

23 shares on Instagram this month:

My ability to remember song lyrics from the ’90s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the garage.

12 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

32 shares on Slack this month:

Wow, you did such a great job clicking in your little spreadsheets today. Super proud of you.

67 shares on Threads this month:

My dog and I play this game, it’s called “What Are You Chewing On Now?” It goes both ways.

25 shares on Threads this month:

They should invent a day where I don’t think.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

Do you say “Excuse me” to your pet when you walk by them, or are you rude?

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Let’s build a fort with blankets and pillows, and just stay in it all day.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Getting out of bed should count as resistance training.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Scooby-Doo led me to believe that if I were ever really scared, I should run super-fast in place.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Nobody’s more stubborn than an Android person that won’t switch to iPhone.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Morning me just stripped the bedding. Evening me is going to be pissed.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,425

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡© has bookmarked:

Due to financial reasons, I will now be performing photosynthesis.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡ͺ has copied:

Not being able to see Likes on posts is a tragedy. Love it when two people are arguing and you can see all their little backup dancers.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡² has bookmarked:

Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡» has viewed:

The more secure you want my computer password to be, the more guaranteed I am to just write it on a very not secure post-it note.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡½ has viewed:

All I care about is being financially stable and getting sexier.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ύ has shared:

The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Έ has bookmarked:

My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ͺ has copied:

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick the one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Shared recently on Pinterest:

People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

Just shared via Threads:

The world needs to chill out. There’s no way future history teachers can cram all this nonsense into a semester.

Making waves on Discord:

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Still don’t understand how girls with no jobs be holding iPhones.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

If your drinking story doesn’t involve law enforcement, I’m not listening.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

Trending via Slack:

It’s like 10,000 lies when all you need is the files.

Trending via Facebook:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

Breaking via Reddit:

Jeez. It’s like the people in this nursing home have never heard techno before.

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