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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

If I’m ever mad at you, just talk to me in a sweeter and softer tone, and watch how quickly that anger disappears.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Boxes of pasta don’t need a plastic window. I believe pasta is in the box.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I’m done wasting money this summer, unless you guys want to do something this weekend.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

You may think no one is there for you, but there’s laundry. Laundry is always there for you.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Trying to explain that I’m fascinated by Japan for wood joinery reasons and not nerd or pervert reasons.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

I don’t always seize the day. Sometimes I poke the day with my index finger and go, ew, ew, ew, ew.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Turns out “V for Vendetta” is not an educational movie and it won’t teach your kids the alphabet.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,592

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

Have your guardian angel call my guardian angel.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I’m just here trying to spread a little joy while the world burns. Is that so wrong?

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.

Just shared via X:

People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If you ghosted me, don’t come back. Maintain that energy, babe. Stay dead.

Seen just now on Slack:

Can we call situationships ‘affairs’ again? It sounds more adult and less desperate.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

What’s y’all’s favorite burner on your stove? Mine is front left. That’s my boy. That’s my big dawg.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My DMs are always open if you want to talk to yourself.

Breaking via TikTok:

The best essential oils are the ones that drip out of Tacos.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Don’t be ashamed to fart while you urinate, cause there is no rain without thunder.

Sorry about all the mean stuff I said when I was right.

1 month ago

Funny quote about admitting faults with witty self-awareness.

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Commentary:
"Apology accepted… with a side of 'I told you so' 😉! It's ok, sometimes being right can come with a little extra sass! 🤭👏"

apology, honesty, humor, i, mean, mean stuff, relationships, right, self-awareness, sorry, stuff

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57 shares on Pinterest this month:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

That second wave of sleep after waking up too early.

75 shares on Reddit this month:

I love when the plot thickens.

48 shares on X this month:

If you’re 20, please stop saying you’re tired. I have bananas older than you.

53 shares on X this month:

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

65 shares on Slack this month:

“I’m like Sisyphus but with dishes. Dishyphus.”

29 shares on Twitch this month:

The more I use social media, the more I see why children shouldn’t.

89 shares on Threads this month:

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

55 shares on Discord this month:

My husband refused to get glasses. But that was before he brushed his teeth with fake tan.

95 shares on Messenger this month:

“Hey you!” is short for “I have no idea what your name is.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Everyone hates math until their paycheck looks funny, then all of a sudden you know trigonometry.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?” And I told him, “No, it doesn’t.”

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Being naked with headphones on is so fun.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

I look stable, but I talk to animals, and wait for them to reply.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

Just landed via X:

It’s funny how sometimes you buy a book, then read it in two days, and sometimes you buy a book, and it lives on your bookshelf for 12 years.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

My self-care routine is mostly just going to Mexican restaurants.

Breaking via Twitch:

My favorite condiment is Worcestershire sauce. Why? It’s hard to say.

Freshly posted on Threads:

A social media post so confusing you turn your music down to read it.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Do you also watch porn until the end to see if they end up getting married?

Seen just now on TikTok:

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I think the world is ready for a fat James Bond.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I’m not tispy. I’m merry.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry about all the mean stuff I said when I was right.

Let the kids believe in Santa. I believed the Undertaker and Kane were brothers.

Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing.

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

Nobody ever talks about how Sodom and Gomorrah were walkable cities.

Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry about all the mean stuff I said when I was right.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Let the kids believe in Santa. I believed the Undertaker and Kane were brothers.

Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing.

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

Nobody ever talks about how Sodom and Gomorrah were walkable cities.

Next time you think I am flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for desire.

Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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